Chapter 36

‘Why are things drifting further and further in a bad direction?’

Being unable to feel empathy for others was a fatal flaw in one’s character.

What should I do if I was somehow having a negative influence on Theo…

“Don’t do that.”

“Huh?”

My vision blurred instantly with pity and guilt toward Theo.

I wrapped my arms around him, hoping that my emotions would reach him.

“Let’s not do that. Okay?”

“……”

Theo awkwardly patted my back.

It seemed like he didn’t understand what I was talking about.

“Don’t cry. I’ll go apologize to the dog. We can be friends, right?”

“For real?”

“…Yeah. For real.”

After making a promise—though I couldn’t tell if it was sincere or forced—Theo went right back to Grace, held out his hand, and said he was sorry.

At that, Grace beamed as if she had never been on the verge of tears, and nodded.

After that, Grace came to look for Theo quite often.

“Theo, do you want to take a walk with me for a bit?”

“Theo! I waited so I could eat lunch with you.”

It was true that I felt somewhat left out.

Grace always wanted to spend time alone with Theo, excluding me.

However, I didn’t bother saying I hated it and didn’t wedge myself between them.

I hoped this would be an opportunity for Theo to learn how to get close to people other than me. He couldn’t go on living behind a wall forever.

‘Maybe this time, rather than obsession, he might learn the feeling of genuinely liking someone…’

Since it was only natural for anyone, young or old, to want to be alone with the person they liked, I could understand.

I pushed my petty feelings aside and decided to hope that Theo and Grace’s relationship would blossom.

So, whenever Theo was with Grace, I took a step back and mingled with the other children.

Taking care of the younger kids like I used to, playing with them….

Doing so somehow felt like returning to the days before I remembered my past life.

‘Until that incident happened, it was a repetition of a somewhat peaceful daily routine.’

Once that routine began again, I felt a familiar sense of comfort. The calls of the children following me didn’t feel unfamiliar.

Though I had thought I could no longer live as eleven-year-old Iris, who always looked after someone, it seemed that taking care of others really suited me.

A few weeks later, the books Frey had ordered arrived at the orphanage.

Placed in the library and all over the orphanage, the books sparked the children’s curiosity.

Naturally, this created an opportunity to teach the kids how to read.

True to his word, Frey actively stepped up to help the children who didn’t know how to read.

I approached Frey as he was tidying up the messy books in the spot the children had just left.

“The book gift was a success.”

“Ah, Iris. I saw you reading to the younger kids just a moment ago.”

“Reading to them seems to suit me better than teaching.”

Frey nodded with a bright, gentle smile.

“Thanks for helping me pick out the gifts. May I treat you in return?”

“A treat? After everything I received from the priest that day. No way…”

As I bowed formally and even waved my hands, Frey hesitated, looking troubled as he spoke.

“Well, it’s just that I used that as an excuse, and I really just wanted to hang out with you again.”

“Ah…”

Feeling guilty for making such a fuss and turning him down, I had no choice but to nod at his suggestion.

“Then, sounds good.”

“Do you want to go change your clothes?”

Frey quickly finished packing up what he was organizing with a flushed face.

His hands were moving much faster than just a moment ago.

‘Does he really like being with me that much?’

My heart grew complicated as I watched him.

What was Frey’s true sincerity, after all? Complex thoughts drifted through my head.

Still, I decided not to overthink it and just believe. An lonely child who simply wanted a family.

‘I can just ask him slowly.’

Having made up my mind, I headed toward the dormitory to change.

“Iris?”

Right in the middle of that, I ran right into Theo, who was with Grace.

“Where are you going?”

“Out for a bit with the priest.”

“Why?”

With a smile lingering on my face, Theo strode right up to me.

Shrugging off Grace and arriving in front of me, Theo demanded with a face full of dissatisfaction.

“Why are you going together?”

“What do you mean… He said he’d buy me something delicious to thank me for helping him pick out gifts before.”

“……”

Grace, who had walked over to us following Theo, chimed in.

“Iris and the priest must be super close. Right?”

At Grace’s words, Theo’s expression darkened even further.

After pondering for a moment, Theo blurted out to me.

“I’m coming too.”

“Huh?”

“If he’s just buying something delicious, there’s no reason one more person can’t go along.”

Well, if we got Frey’s permission, it wasn’t an entirely unreasonable argument.

“I’m Iris’s best friend, so I can go too, right?”

Theo spoke in a strong tone, as if trying to give weight to his own opinion.

‘Is my best friend Theo or Evelyn…’

With both of them insisting so strongly, I couldn’t even tell anymore.

“Then let’s go together and ask. After all, the priest is the one buying. But will you be okay with it?”

Going out with Theo was something I enjoyed. But the problem was the relationship between Frey and Theo.

Ever since they had a childish war of nerves during their tutoring session, they had maintained an icy atmosphere for weeks.

‘During study time, let’s just study.’

How had they interpreted my words? The two of them had proceeded with lessons without saying much.

…In an atmosphere as freezing as midwinter.

They didn’t converse, nor did they even accidentally make eye contact. And that state had continued until now.

“I don’t care.”

There wasn’t an ounce of reflection or intent to reconcile to be felt from Theo as he said that.

He was entirely focused on the thought of interrupting Frey’s and my time.

Wondering what I could do to resolve this situation, I set a condition: as a bit of a childish demand, he could come along only if he reconciled with Frey.

“Do I really have to?”

“Yeah. That way I think we can all go comfortably.”

The moment for reconciliation, if missed, might never come again.

It looked like the two of them had already missed that timing, but if so, I was going to force the timing to happen.

After all, if I had one lifelong wish in this world, it was to see Theo and Frey look at each other with warm eyes before I died.

My wish seemed to come true faster than I expected.

Frey and Theo were smiling warmly at each other.

‘The problem is that I’m stuck right in the middle.’

Before I knew it, there were four people riding in the carriage.

Because Grace had tagged along behind Theo.

Seated crammed tightly on one side in the order of Frey, myself, Theo, and Grace, all of us were saying what we wanted to say and talking to the person next to us.

Of course, this behavior didn’t mean smooth communication.

Collective monologue. Voices that were nothing more or less than that drifted through the air.

To fulfill the condition I had set, Theo reached out his hand to Frey the moment he faced him.

And in a very dry, flat tone, he said: “Let’s make up.”

Watching that scene, I let out a massive internal sigh.

I had expected it, but it was so perfectly according to expectations that it was almost surprising.

With a complicated mindset, I looked at Frey facing Theo.

Frey’s attitude didn’t look much different from Theo’s.

Soon, wearing a dismissive smile, Frey looked at Theo and shook his hand.

“Let’s do that.”

The two of them looked like they were forcedly taking care of a homework assignment they had to get through.

Amidst that incongruous atmosphere, the two shook hands once out of sheer courtesy.

And then they shook their hands off as if they had touched something filthy.

Yet, the smiles directed at each other stubbornly refused to vanish.

Seeing that sight, I felt a sense of disillusionment.

‘Should I really be trying to make human beings who treat each other like germs get along?’

I hadn’t even hoped for an atmosphere where they apologized to each other and smiled warmly. I knew that was impossible anyway.

So, even if I couldn’t feel touched, I should have been satisfied that Theo and Frey had held hands and made up.

Yet somehow, the aftertaste was foul. It felt like I had committed something I shouldn’t have.

‘I have a bad feeling about this.’

And that ominous premonition wasn’t wrong, as I would soon realize.

Never meddle carelessly in other people’s relationships, and forced reconciliation is worse than doing nothing at all.

“The weather is really nice today. Right, Theo?”

“Iris, aren’t you cold?”

“What you’re wearing today suits you well.”

“……”

I kept my mouth tightly shut and stared into space. Whether I answered or not, their monologues never stopped.

“Even if it’s a little cold, I still love winter.”

“Should I buy a blanket with the priest’s money?”

“You’re going to need clothes for winter too.”

“……”

Wasting away in such an uncomfortable atmosphere must surely be retribution for my meddling.

I was paying the price for semi-forcibly making Grace and Theo friends, and cutting in between Frey and Theo.

Dropping my head, I vowed to myself.

‘I’m done meddling in other people’s business. Never again.’