Chapter 42

“They must each have their reasons. Some have given up on everything, some are drawn to that power, and others… might just be captivated by the beauty of fire itself.”

“But… even if they’re a cult, they don’t have a god. There are no miracles they can expect…”

In this world, religion functions as a kind of mutual exchange between faith and divine grace.

Humans offer their faith to the gods, and in return, the gods bestow their blessings through apostles and, below them, the priests.

A god whose presence could be directly felt—what could be more reassuring than that?

But the High Priest seemed somewhat skeptical.

“Well. I’m not sure what will happen on that front.”

“What do you mean?”

“Human belief can achieve far more than you think.”

Belief…

I suddenly stopped walking.

‘Humans offer their faith to the gods…’

But the cult of fire, though it had belief, had no god.

“Are you saying… a new god could be born?”

“I can’t say for certain, but yes. That’s what I think.”

“What about Lady Plendena…?”

“She hasn’t said a word.”

I couldn’t make sense of it.

Surely the total amount of faith in the world was finite, and if a new god emerged, wouldn’t the existing ones have to share that limited “pie”?

When I said that, the High Priest burst into laughter.

“Oh, Minuelle. You’ve been strange since you were a child.”

She wiped the tears that gathered at the corners of her eyes after a good laugh, then said, “Who worries about a god’s situation, honestly? A human, no less.”

Suddenly, her eyes shimmered like glass.

It wasn’t the gaze I was used to—it was colder, more inorganic. Threatening, even.

‘Plendena…?’

I swallowed dryly.

I had heard stories of gods occasionally borrowing their apostles’ bodies, but I had never actually witnessed it before.

‘I grew up reading Greek and Roman myths, so I feel like I know gods. Is that offensive?’

…That retort burned up to my throat.

But I had no desire to earn the wrath of the goddess of beauty and end up with alopecia or boils, so I quietly asked something else.

“What should I do? How can I return the power inside me to the spirit stone?”

“That depends on the will of the spirit.”

“Sorry… what?”

Did that mean spirits had their own thoughts?

But just as suddenly as she’d come, the goddess vanished.

The conversation stopped there, and the High Priest blinked rapidly like a broken automaton before smiling, as if amazed.

‘Ah, she’s back.’

“You didn’t even flinch and just asked questions?”

“I was very surprised!”

I was shocked—but my survival instincts were stronger.

“Indeed. I was surprised too. It’s rare for Lady Plendena to speak directly to someone.”

It was an incredible experience, but not having gotten a clear answer, I felt a little deflated.

“I should’ve asked something more useful instead of wasting the chance on a dumb question…”

Something like, ‘Wait, are you saying I can communicate with spirits?’

“You silly thing. Just the fact that you didn’t faint on the spot was impressive enough.”

The High Priest patted my shoulder and gave me a big thumbs-up.

“At this rate, the next High Priest might be you.”

If that wasn’t the expression of someone hoping to retire early, then maybe I needed my eyes checked.

I declined politely.

“I want to live in the secular world, High Priest.”

I want to collect handsome men and enjoy the view, thank you very much.

Hearing my half-baked excuse, the High Priest burst out laughing again.

“How’s that any different from the Temple of Plendena?”

Huh. Now that she mentions it… she has a point?

Just as I tilted my head in thought, the High Priest extended her hand.

“It’s been a while. Won’t you join me for some tea?”

I wondered if other gods’ apostles were like this too—so casual, like they were borrowing my time instead of bestowing theirs upon a lowly follower.

“Of course.”

There was no way I could say no.

Smiling with genuine respect, I took the High Priest’s hand.

“Oh my.”

Still holding hands, we were walking peacefully toward the High Priest’s private parlor when she suddenly stopped mid-step, clapping her hands together as if she’d just remembered something.

“Oh dear, I think I left the key to the tea cabinet in the chapel.”

“I can go get it. Ramande is probably still there, too.”

“No, it’s alright. There’s a trainee rest room just up ahead—I’ll ask someone there for a quick favor.”

“But I’d feel bad bothering them when they’re resting. Really, I can just—”

“You must be tired after all that walking, aren’t you? Go ahead and get some rest.”

Well… I was a little tired. I gratefully accepted her consideration and stepped into the parlor.

But someone was already inside.

“Minuelle.”

The person who slowly rose to their feet upon seeing me—

Someone I couldn’t forget, not even in dreams.

The 360-degrees-turned-and-still-crazy Esadien.

“AAAHHH!”

About two seconds of silence passed. Then I let out a bloodcurdling scream, spun around, and grabbed the doorknob.

But—

Click.

The door locked, and from the other side came the High Priest’s clear, cheerful laugh.

“Ahaha. Minuelle, try opening your heart and just talk, will you?”

“High Priest!!”

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!

I pounded the door with both fists, but it only hurt my hands. The only response was her laughter growing fainter as she walked away.

“High Priest, how could you do this to me?!”

“Um… Minuelle.”

“D-don’t come any closer!”

I didn’t even mean to shout like that—it just came out. Then I quickly covered my mouth. Loud noises might provoke him further.

‘Now I get it. No one’s been outside lately because he’s been here every day.’

But how did he know I would be here today? On top of that, how did he get the High Priest’s help…?

I stared at him suspiciously, and Esadien tried to soothe me with a calm voice.

“Minuelle, I’m not crazy.”

Crazy people never think they’re crazy!

I pressed my lips together and huddled even closer to the door.

Esadien looked at me for a moment before sighing softly and pushing a chair toward me.

“Sit. You must be tired.”

Then he calmly walked to the far wall and leaned against it, keeping a good distance between us.

“Is this enough? I won’t move from this spot. I promise.”

“……”

“I mean it. I’d prove it if I could, but I don’t know how.”

He looked much thinner than just a few days ago. His jawline was more pronounced, and his lips were dry and cracked.

‘Even in this worn-down state, he still looks… No! No, not the time!’

I furiously shook my head.

That damned face. Always a distraction.

Still, he seemed more stable than last time, so I cautiously edged toward the seat.

‘I’ll need my strength if I want to run away again. Better recharge.’

Just that small movement was enough to make Esadien relax, his shoulders sagging in relief.

But that was all. He said nothing else. Just rested his left hand on the hilt of his sword and stared at me.

‘Wait a second. That pose… Don’t tell me he really wants to kill me?’

For calling him crazy? Then there was the thing with Lapheche… He did try to kill her, didn’t he?

‘I-is he trying to lull me into sitting so he can strike me down in one blow?’

No, surely not. Whether I was sitting, standing, or doing somersaults, Esadien could probably take me out in a single swing.

Even so, I gulped and edged my chair just a bit farther back.

“Th-then why are you showing up like this anyway?”

“That is…”

Esadien bowed his head, as if gauging my reaction.

“I told you last time—just keep it brief, please. We’ve already broken up. Honestly, being alone like this is uncomfortable.”

“Broken up? I clearly told you I won’t accept the annulment, Minuelle.”

“And I clearly told you I won’t forgive you, Your Highness.”

“……”

His silence was… suspicious. Was he really going back and forth again?

“Don’t tell me you don’t remem—”

“I remember!”

“…Right.”

Why the yelling if he does remember? He really must be out of his mind…

“I’m telling you, I’m not crazy.”

That made me flinch.

‘He picked up on that…’

Yet, for all that awareness, how could he not understand my feelings…?

Ugh. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I had to stop dwelling on it entirely.

‘Inner peace. Inner peace.’

While I was secretly doing Lamaze breathing to calm myself, Esadien spoke quietly.

“Last time… I’m sorry. If you misunderstood my state of mind, I can’t blame you.”

“……”

For someone of royal blood, swallowing his pride like that… I hesitantly met his gaze. This time, his eyes were calm. The same tranquil ocean I once knew.

Seeing that, I had no choice but to admit his words might be true.

“I’m sorry, too. I think I was too hasty in judging you.”

When I apologized sincerely, Esadien gave a faint smile.

“I think this all happened because I was so desperate to hide my feelings. So I tried to show them instead…”

‘Ah…’

Now that I recalled his erratic behavior, it started to make more sense. Like someone constantly turning the TV volume up and then muting it.

“It’s… hard to regulate.”

But he seemed to have gained some control now. The bitter smile hanging from his lips said it all.

“I even thought maybe it would be better if I really had gone mad. Then at least I could live in the moments we shared.”

His words were unbearably earnest. My expression cooled, but he didn’t see that as he bowed his head lower and lower.

“I missed you that much. I couldn’t bear it, so I begged the High Priest of Plendena for help.”

There was a perfect song for this moment:

“Appreciate them while they’re there—don’t live in regret.”

“As I told you before, there’s a time for everything.”

“I’ve thought about that a lot.”

Esadien lifted his head.

It looked like he wanted to step closer—his leg twitched—but he remembered his promise and restrained himself. The effort looked more pitiful than I expected.

“Minuelle, wasn’t it all just a misunderstanding between us? If we clear that up, and I work to change what was lacking…”

He swallowed hard—his throat visibly dry.

“Am I being selfish?”

“No, it’s natural to feel that way.”

“Then…”  Esadien’s eyes lit up with a flicker of hope.

Was he always this easy to read? I gave him a slightly bitter smile this time.

“I know what you’re hoping for, but I can’t give you that.”

I wasn’t the type to turn around and look back once I walked away.

“More than anything, I no longer feel anything when I look at you, Your Highness.”

Ashes don’t catch fire. My feelings for him had already burned to the ground.

“……”

“So I’d really appreciate it if you could just sign the annulment. Let’s not have another meeting like this.”

Realizing I was about to end the conversation, Esadien urgently called my name.

“Minuelle.”

“Sigh. Your Highness, this isn’t going to cha—”

“No, wait.”

“…Yes?”

His expression changed in an instant.

With that look still on his face, he raised a finger to his lips—telling me to be quiet. It seemed like he was listening for something, so I instinctively held my breath too and strained my ears.