Chapter 5.9

Meanwhile, Adrian was confiding in Owen, sharing his concerns.

“Claire still hasn’t said yes to going to Quinze-Nouais.”

“Pardon?”

“And she didn’t answer when I asked her to be my empress, either.”

“Then, is it certain that you heard Lady Claire feels the same way as you do, Your Majesty?”

“Yes, I definitely heard that. But, did I hear it correctly? Was it a dream?”

“Then, ask her again.”

“What if she says no this time?”

Adrian became even more anxious at Owen’s words. The Emperor’s heart was burning as he waited for her, who had gone to meet the Duke.

“Stop pacing.”

Cedric, who could no longer stand it, stepped in to stop the Emperor.

“Me?”

“Yes, you’ve been pacing back and forth as if the garden is too small for you.”

Adrian once again made a firm resolve not to rush Claire. At that moment, she appeared in the garden of the castle where the Duke was staying.

“Claire.”

***

Meeting the Duke had made my heart heavy, but seeing Adrian lightened it a little. Love was indeed the beginning of the most selfish emotion. As I smiled and approached him, he hugged me right away.

“Wha… what are you doing? There are so many people here…”

“Oh, I only see you…”

“You’re unbelievable. Why are you smiling?”

“I love the sound of your voice when you scold me.”

The awakened Adrian was like a runaway colt. Like a dam that had broken, he did not know when to stop.

“What did you talk about for so long?”

“What? The tea probably hasn’t even gotten cold yet.”

“To me, it was like an eternity.”

“The Emperor’s eternity is quite short.”

Adrian circled around me as I walked.

“Do you have something to say? I have a lot of things to get organized.”

“The thing is, Claire. You still haven’t answered.”

“Answer what?”

“That.”

“Hmm?”

“You didn’t answer whether you’ll come to Quinze-Nouais with me. And you didn’t answer my request to be my empress, either.”

“That’s not something I can decide right now. I’ve lived here for five years. Like it or not, this is my home.”

“But I have to go to Quinze-Nouais soon.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“Yes, you go and take care of the Empire. I need to stay here and think about it for a while.”

“Are you telling me to go back to Quinze-Nouais alone, leaving you behind?”

“For now, yes. I need to mentally prepare myself too.”

“Then I’ll stay here too. I need time as well.”

“Adrian?”

“What?”

“Are you pouting?”

“Ah, no. It’s not like that. What I mean is, you really have a reason to go back to Quinze-Nouais right away.”

“What on earth is that?”

“Your… Hubert Ianster is very, very sick.”

“What?”

Adrian, for the first time in his life, lied to break through Claire’s fortress-like demeanor. And he didn’t walk that dark path alone. Adrian’s face turned red, and he nudged Owen with his foot.

“Yes, he is lingering on the verge of death.”

“My father?”

But from Owen’s throat, which had walked only the upright path of a knight all his life, no more lies would come out. No words would come out even if the Emperor put a knife to his neck.

But…

“Yes, that’s right. It is said that Count Hubert Ianster is currently confined to his sickbed, spending his days in tears, calling out for Miss Claire Ianster’s name. He says his illness will be cured if he can only see your face once.”

“Ce-Cedric!”

Owen called out Cedric’s name with a flustered expression. And he quickly grabbed his arm and moved away from us.

“You, why did you lie like that…”

“Your Majesty and the Captain started the lie first. And what can we do? If we can’t take the Miss with us now, it’s not the Count, but His Majesty who will be on the verge of death.”

Owen nodded at Cedric’s words. He recalled the moment when the Emperor tried to follow her when he thought she was dead, and he strengthened his resolve.

“This is not the time to be dazed. Write a letter with the details and send it to the Ianster family. You’ll need to choose a fast horse.”

***

“Mom!”

As soon as I stepped into the detached garden, Leo came running from a distance, his silver-gray hair fluttering in the wind. I bent down to hug the running Leo.

I saw Sally behind Leo, and she too came running towards me, but then she stopped with her mouth agape.

“Oh… Miss!”

“Yes?”

“What on earth happened?”

I handed Leo, who was clinging to me, over to Adrian, who was standing right next to me, and walked a little distance away with Sally.

“Um, well… Sally.”

“No, why did you come with His Majesty the Emperor of Quinze-Nouais? Didn’t he say he was going straight to Quinze-Nouais from the Turk Empire?”

“Ah, well…”

“Don’t tell me, Miss, you’ve already fallen for him? But I can’t bear for our Leo to be illegitimate.”

“Sally, calm down and listen to me.”

“Speak.”

“Well, Adrian actually didn’t marry Celine.”

“What? No, how is that possible? When we left, they were already engaged.”

“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you all about it later. But Sally, you said it didn’t matter where I went, right?”

The moment I had been most worried about all along had arrived. I already considered Sally my family deep in my heart. She was the only person who had been with me through all the most difficult moments since I came to this world.

“Did I say that?”

“Sally!”

“So what do you want to say?”

“I’m thinking of going back to Quinze-Nouais with Adrian.”

“Oh… to Quinze-Nouais… yes?”

“But, if you don’t want to, I won’t go.”

“If I say no, will I be able to survive?”

I glanced at Adrian.

“That will never happen now. So please, tell me what you want.”

“To be honest…”

I gulped as I waited for Sally’s words.

“I didn’t say it because I didn’t want to make it difficult for you, Miss, but I wanted to go to Quinze-Nouais.”

I hugged Sally.

“I’m sorry. And thank you.”

“What are you sorry and thankful for? I’m your maid, Miss. Whatever it is, if you’re happy, that’s enough for me. You’ve made that choice, haven’t you?”

“Yes.”

“And don’t forget to give me a position when we go back.”

“Heh, of course.”

I nodded and looked at Leo and Adrian.

Leo was reaching out and messing up Adrian’s hair. He was probably very fascinated by the color that was the same as his. I found myself smiling as I watched them.

I didn’t know what the future held, but this moment was a beautiful scene to be engraved like a photograph. I soon took Sally with me and approached Adrian. I could see him getting tense.

“I will give you my answer now, Your Majesty the Emperor of Quinze-Nouais.”

He looked at us with a tense expression while holding the child.

“My maid has given me permission to follow you, Your Majesty, so I will follow you.”

“Oh… Miss.”

At my words, Adrian’s face lit up. And he turned to Sally.

“Thank you, Sally.”

Sally was stunned by his brightly smiling face. It was the kind of feeling you get when you see the most beautiful work of art in the world.

“Yes, Your Majesty the Emperor, thank you.”

“Thank me? No, I should be the one saying that. I remember when Claire used to whip me at the Count’s mansion, you would try to stop her. Thank you, Sally.”

Adrian finished speaking and immediately went to Owen and Cedric. They had to hurry if they wanted to return to Quinze-Nouais as soon as possible.

“Oh… Miss?”

“Yes?”

“His Majesty the Emperor knows my name.”

“He does. Adrian remembering a person’s name… that really means he trusts them.”

I remembered that part from the book.

The event that caused Claire Ianster to truly go mad. It was when Adrian asked Claire for her name.

Claire thought it was Adrian denying her existence, but in fact, he never asked such a thing of people he truly didn’t care about.

As a reader who knew that, I felt truly sorry for Claire.

I used to think that if she had been a little kinder then, if she had been warm to Adrian all along, she wouldn’t have met such a sad fate.

Maybe that’s why I came into this body.

***

Behind their master, Cedric and Owen clicked their tongues in disbelief.

The Iron-Blooded Emperor of Quinze-Nouais had insisted on carrying Miss Claire on his horse in front of him the entire way from the Turk imperial court to the Kabyl estate, never leaving her side for a moment.

She was rather calm, but the Emperor’s anxiousness was so obvious it was visible.

And now, with dozens of knights lined up outside the Duke Henry Kabyl’s detached garden, the Emperor of Quinze-Nouais was holding a child who looked exactly like him, and he seemed even more flustered than when he was with Claire.

As soon as the child was in his arms, he began to cling to him.

No, rather than clinging… was it more accurate to say he was playing with him?

However, Owen and Cedric had to hold back their tears for a long time. They were the ones who had felt their Emperor’s pain most closely.

The slave who had been called Adrian had finally become the Emperor of the Quinze-Nouais Empire, but he had not lived a single moment as a human with proper emotions.

But now, he was being swept away by a myriad of emotions, like a person who had just been born and was beginning to feel.

How long had he wandered on this roundabout path to get here? Owen and Cedric were quietly congratulating themselves on their hard work.

But there was one worry in Cedric’s mind. It was something that had happened on the way from the Turk Empire to Kabyl, when they had briefly dismounted to rest.

“Cedric!”

“Yes, Miss Claire.”

She raised her hand slightly and motioned for Cedric to follow her.

“Is something wrong?”

The Miss leaned in close and cornered Cedric with her sharp, shining eyes.

“Cedric, I heard it was you again…?”

“What was me?”

“How did you find me?”

Cedric could not speak and just rolled his eyes.

“Hurry and tell me!”

“Ah, the typewriter…”

“Again? But how did you manage it?”

Just then, Adrian called out to Claire so desperately that she could not ask any more questions and left.

But Cedric had seen it. The swear word… she had let out under her breath.

***

As soon as I gave my permission, Adrian had sent knights ahead to pack up all the luggage. The house, empty of its belongings, felt a little unfamiliar.

This was a house I had bought with money I had worked hard to save for three years, trying to please my boss… Life was so fleeting.

Finally, I packed Leo’s favorite stuffed doll and got into the carriage. I was on my way back to the Quinze-Nouais Empire, to Adrian’s side.

Soon, the procession of the Quinze-Nouais Emperor began.

In one carriage were me, Sally, and Leo, and the other carriage was occupied by our luggage and the dog, Adrian.

Before long, we were able to board the ship that would leave the Eastern Continent.

As soon as we boarded, Leo naturally ran to his father. When faced with a new situation, the child instinctively seeks out Adrian.

I wondered if this was the right thing to do, but when I saw Leo looking so happy, I felt confident in my decision.

He was to become the Crown Prince, the benevolent ruler of the Great Quinze-Nouais. The world the child would have was too vast for him to do as he pleased.

But whether they knew my thoughts or not, the two of them were whispering into each other’s ears so that only they could hear.

At first, Leo shook his head, saying no, but when Adrian whispered something to him with a serious face, he quickly nodded and ran to me.

“Mom!”

“Yes?”

“We’re going to change Adrian’s name.”

“What?”

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the human Adrian’s cute little scheme.

In fact, I hadn’t believed at all that Count Hubert Ianster, my father, was on the verge of death. It was hard not to notice the lie from the way he said it.

“What are you going to change it to?”

“Quinzi.”

“Quinzi?”

“Yes, Adrian said that our dog is going to be the symbol of the Quinze-Nouais Empire now. So his name has to be changed. But Mom, what’s a symbol?”

“It’s like a representative picture that represents something.”

“Oh, then it’s better for our Adrian to be Quinzi.”

I saw Adrian, who was watching us from a distance, smiling brightly. My goodness, for an emperor to be so happy about changing a dog’s name. It was truly amusing.

***

I put the child to sleep and looked out the small window on the ship. The small bunk bed that would have been too cramped for Sally and me to sleep together was now so nice it looked like a bedroom, and you wouldn’t know it was on a ship unless you were told.

The size was also incomparable to the one we had been on, and there was almost no rocking.

Nothing could be seen but the black sea and the sky of the same color. Just then, I heard a presence outside the door.

When I opened the door, Adrian was standing there.

“Did I wake you?”

“No.”

For the past few days, Adrian had been restless like never before.

“Where’s Leo?”

“He just fell asleep. Do you want to come in?”

“Oh, no. You should rest. You must be tired…”

As he turned to leave, I hugged him from behind.

“Don’t be so anxious. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know… but I just keep wanting to check.”

“On a ship, where am I going to run away to? I’m not going anywhere. I swear.”

It was natural for him to be anxious. As he said, I had already disappeared four times without a trace… But I believed that time would solve this anxiety.

“Am I allowed to be this happy? I don’t think God would allow me to have these things…”

“Adrian, things are different now. Back then, we didn’t know each other’s feelings. So you can stop being so anxious. I won’t ever leave you now, even if you tell me to.”

“Yes, I guess so.”

Adrian turned around and hugged me. And he stood in front of the door for a long time, kissing me.

After Adrian left, I tossed and turned for a while and finally fell asleep next to my child.

And once again, I dreamed of my previous life.

I had started having that dream again after I met Adrian in the Turk Empire. And this time, it felt bad from the start.

“Seyoung.”

‘Mother-in-law…?’

“Seyoung, even when you’re lying down like this… you’re blocking my son’s future.”

‘Now you’re showing your true feelings.’

“Do you know how much Hyuntaek has missed out on, going in and out of this hospital room for a whole year? If you’re going to die, you should have died gracefully and quickly… Tsk.”

‘Then why on earth did you let us get married?’

“If Hyuntaek hadn’t insisted so strongly that he would give up his position, an orphan like you would never have set foot in my house.”

I got goosebumps all over my body, remembering my mother-in-law, who was always so cold but always smiled benevolently. I knew it was a dream, but my breath quickened.

“If only you weren’t here, hmm? Soon Hansun will be in Daegun’s hands…”

My mother-in-law, whom I hadn’t seen in a long time, visited the hospital room, dressed perfectly as always. She had always pretended to be so elegant and had never once shown her dislike for me.

But I couldn’t have not known the contempt hidden beneath that elegance. Since I grew up as an orphan, I could read the negative emotions people had for me more keenly than anyone else.

But even then, I could bear it. My husband truly loved me, and my mother-in-law, even if her true feelings were different, never tormented me.

The woman, my mother-in-law, whispered into my ear.

“Die, child. If you’re going to die, just go quickly. Do you know how hard I worked to make sure you wouldn’t get pregnant?”

‘What?’

Her perfect duplicity gave me chills.

It was then. The feeling came back to me suddenly. The ambiguous feeling of whether I was regaining or losing consciousness. I hadn’t felt this way even in my recent dreams.

The more I got angry at this situation, the more my body felt strange and my fingertips began to tingle.

“Mom!”

“Huh!”

I barely managed to wake up from the dream when Leo called out to me. When I opened my eyes, Leo was looking down at me with a worried expression, his hand on my forehead.

“Mom, are you sick?”

“Hmm? No, Leo. Mom’s not sick. I just had a bad dream… That’s all.”

I put Leo back to bed and put him back to sleep. And I tried to erase the vivid sensations that had risen.

Lately, I hadn’t been emotionally affected by the dreams of my previous life at all, but the words my mother-in-law had spewed were so horrible they tore my heart to pieces.

‘She tried to prevent me from getting pregnant…’

On the ship, I picked up a pen and wrote in my journal for the first time in a while.

I often wrote in my journal in Korean, especially after having a dream about Han Hyuntaek, I would write down whatever came to mind. It was closer to scribbling than journaling. Perhaps it was something I started out of fear of losing myself completely.

Sejin Hospital, Teacher Kim? No, Dr. Bang? No, there’s no way Sihyuk would do that. Stop me from getting pregnant? Is that even possible in Korea, even for a chaebol? Daegun… Hansun… merger?

I double-underlined the word “merger” and closed the journal.

What good was all this now?

But I was so afraid that a path I didn’t want would open up again that it was hard for me to fall asleep.

The next day, Leo and I went out onto the deck. Fortunately, the child didn’t get seasick, but I felt a little nauseous, so I sat on a long chair on the deck and tried to calm my breathing.

When Adrian appeared in the distance, Leo ran towards him.

These days, the two of them were always together.

No, it would be more accurate to say that Adrian almost never put Leo down.

The child knew instinctively who doted on him. Although he hadn’t said “Dad” yet, Leo was always glued to his side.

Tonight was our last night on the ship, and tomorrow, we would set foot in Quinze-Nouais.

I looked at the father and son and took out the journal I had been writing in yesterday.

“What kind of letters are these?”

Adrian had approached me without a sound and was standing right next to me.

“Oh… it’s just scribbling. But how did you know they were letters?”

Since no one in this world knew Korean anyway, I didn’t try to hide my journal.

“They’re strange shapes. It seems like there’s some kind of rule… It’s a very scientific script.”

‘That’s right. My second male lead wasn’t only a genius at swordsmanship, was he?’

Fortunately, he didn’t seem to want an answer and went back to Leo.

I also approached them, and he gently put his arm around my shoulder and kissed my forehead. A cool sea breeze blew on our family.

“Claire.”

“…”

“You were right. I’m anxious and scared.”

Instead of answering, I just hugged his waist quietly.

“I’m so afraid that I’ll experience the most horrible hell at the happiest moment.”

“Adrian.”

I looked him straight in the eyes.

“I felt the same way. When Leo was smaller and weaker than he is now. So many unhappy and terrible thoughts would flood my mind, and I often stayed up all night with my eyes wide open. That’s a natural anxiety you feel when you have someone precious.”

“Is that so? To think I left you alone at a time like that… I really am…”

“Oh, Adrian. You’re getting closer to one of the three mistakes. I’m so proud of you.”

“What?”

Adrian smiled and answered my words with a kiss. Even though I said that, I was also feeling uneasy. Especially last night’s dream felt more real than any other, and my heart was fluttering with fear.

The nausea was getting worse, so I turned my gaze to the deck.

“By the way, I haven’t seen Sally since yesterday.”

“Your maid?”

“Yeah.”

“She’s been holding on to the railing, seasick, since yesterday…”

*** 

“Are you alright?”

Cedric looked at Sally, who had been holding on to the railing since yesterday, with a worried look in his eyes. The maid, who was always so brave, had turned completely pale and couldn’t do anything since getting on the ship.

“I… I’m alright.”

And this time too, when Cedric approached her, she just said she was fine and moved a little away from him.

Cedric wanted to say more but he couldn’t bring himself to stop her. Since the day Sally had brought him cookies, she had been pretending not to know him whenever she saw him.

No, it wasn’t just that. She was treating him like he was a transparent person. Even though it was what he had wanted, he was strangely not feeling very happy about it.

He slowly tried to recall his memories of Sally from before. Cedric, who hated complicated and bothersome things and would give up on thinking, was now trying his best to remember something.

He naturally didn’t remember the first time he saw Sally.

But he remembered that while all the other maids were afraid of Miss Claire, this maid would stick to her side and nag her about something.

And even the cruel Miss Claire was strangely lenient towards Sally.

And when Cedric returned to the Count’s mansion with Aurelian Quinze-Nouais, who had become the Grand Duke after two years, he saw her again.

But the maid ran away from him as if she had seen a ghost when he tried to approach her to greet her happily.

And he met the maid again here in the Turk Empire. But this time, the woman came very close to him. So close that it was overwhelming for Cedric.

As a child, Sally’s heart would pound whenever she saw him in the Count’s practice field. Back then, she didn’t know what that feeling was, so she was busy avoiding him.

And when she saw him again after two years, she felt a vague emotion, but Sally gave up on it. In Quinze-Nouais, commoners and nobles could not marry.

And then, one day, three years later, the man named Cedric, who had only existed in her memory, appeared before her again with a definite color.

She was happy and glad.

And when the most wonderful knight in the world saved her, Sally’s heart was filled with a feeling that needed no repayment.

But Sally also knew that it was right not to do something when the other person didn’t want it.

So she decided to stay out of Cedric’s sight as much as possible. It wasn’t that difficult for her to give up on something.

Now at twenty-three, she was at an age where she could know what love was. When she met Hugh in the Turk Empire, it was just a warm feeling. But her feelings for Cedric were different.

No matter how hard she tried to stay away from him, it wasn’t easy as long as they were going to Quinze-Nouais together. So she decided to avoid Cedric.

Now that they were going to the imperial palace, she would have to see him sometimes, and with her heart pounding like this, she felt like she wouldn’t live a long life.

But Cedric didn’t like the maid who looked at him with surprised rabbit eyes. He couldn’t understand what he had done for her to turn so pale whenever she saw him.

Was it a big mistake not to have accepted the cookies?

Before getting on this ship, while they were briefly resting after dismounting their horses, the maid had kindly served food to the entire knight order.

Cedric, who was waiting for his turn as if it was only natural, looked at the woman who just passed him with a look of absurdity. So he was about to stop her, but she was already far away, bringing food to Owen.

“Hey, maid. Aren’t you giving me any?”

When Cedric called out, she was visibly startled.

“Cedric! She’s the maid who serves Miss Claire most closely. No matter what, why are you calling her just ‘maid’?”

Owen scolded Cedric like a walking textbook.

Cedric, thinking she disliked him because of the way he called her, even held out his hand to her the next day when they got on the ship.

Saying, ‘Hello, Sally.’

But she ignored his hand, grabbed her skirt tightly, and jumped onto the ship. He also hated seeing her fall into the arms of that guy Peter, who had already boarded the ship.

Once on the ship, Sally brought a drink to each of the knights.

Of course, it wasn’t Sally’s job, but since there were only three servants and not enough maids on this ship, she had decided to help out.

Just as the drinks ran out, and Sally didn’t want to get close to Cedric, she turned back right in front of him.

“Uh… Sally.”

She was startled to hear her name being called by Cedric and looked at him.

“Aren’t you giving me a drink?”

She just showed him an empty bottle without saying a word. And she ran away from him right then and there. But after that, Sally couldn’t think of anything.

Because of that same awful nausea that had started again.

Last time, when they were coming to the Turk Empire, the Miss had told her that this was seasickness.

She was holding on to the railing and trying to soothe her stomach, which had nothing to bring up.

“Are you alright?”

It was Cedric again.

“I… I’m alright.”

Despite Sally’s words, Cedric didn’t leave. He lingered next to her for a moment and then left. She sat down on the deck, leaning against the railing, trying to soothe her churning stomach.