Chapter 5.4

“Sally, what’s wrong?”

“Oh… My Lady, you’re here.”

“What are you thinking about that you didn’t notice me coming?”

“Oh, nothing, My Lady. Nothing at all.”

“Really? Well, then I guess I’ll go find handsome Cedric and have a chat.”

“My Lady!”

I wasn’t really planning on going to find Cedric, but Sally urgently called out to me.

“Hm? What?”

“Well… I gave Sir Cedric a gift today. I wanted to thank him for saving me. But he refused my gift.”

“What? Why?”

“He said he doesn’t use handkerchiefs.”

‘How foolish, Cedric. Has he never received a gift before? He could have just taken it…’

“Sally… you must be sad.”

“Pardon? No. I’m not sad at all.”

Looking at Sally’s face, it didn’t seem like she was lying. But it also didn’t make sense to not feel anything after a gift was rejected.

“Maybe Cedric really didn’t need a handkerchief.”

“That’s what I think, too. So, if you don’t mind, could you ask him if there’s anything else he needs? He’s such a perfect person that he doesn’t seem to be lacking anything.”

“Perfect! Hmm, yes, Cedric is much more cautious… and thoughtful than you’d think. But what if you just told him how you feel instead of giving him a gift? Maybe Cedric needed time to think about you.”

“Oh, My Lady, what are you saying? What do you mean, ‘how I feel’? I don’t have anything like that. I just like seeing him. I would never dare to think of doing anything with a person like him.”

Sally stopped talking for a moment, as if to collect her thoughts.

“But still, I like him so much, and a person as wonderful as him saved me, so I just want to show my gratitude. I’m a commoner, after all. And I live in Turk.”

“Ah, Sally, you’re just a fan.”

“A fan?”

“It’s a thing. A very healthy hobby. I don’t know the full extent of that profound world either. But Sally, if you weren’t a commoner and were still living in Quinze-Nouais, wouldn’t you be able to have those feelings? For Cedric.”

Sally fidgeted, looking embarrassed.

“That sounds like a fairy tale. But, My Lady. I think I’ll stop trying to give him a gift. There’s nothing I can give to a person who has everything he needs. But I won’t be embarrassed. Liking someone isn’t something to be ashamed of.”

I looked at Sally and thought about myself. She was right. Loving someone isn’t shameful. But it’s a different story if the other person already has someone else. In that case, it’s just a shameful feeling that must be hidden and discarded.

 

***

 

Adrian was sitting across from the Duke, sharing a drink.

“Is there a reason you wanted to see me alone today?”

“I wish to answer the question you asked me last time.”

Adrian felt a chill run down his spine at the Duke’s words.

“Does that question concern Lady Taylor?”

“Yes, it does.”

The Duke watched the Emperor pour his glass full and drink it, and he took a deep breath.

“After Your Majesty asked me, I repeatedly asked her for an answer.”

“…”

“And she accepted my request. And I promised Lady Taylor that I would accept her child as my legitimate heir and pass on the Dukedom to him.”

The Duke’s mouth tasted bitter from telling a lie.

“…I see.”

“May I also ask Your Majesty what your relationship with her was?”

Adrian did not answer. He was afraid that his words might cause some kind of harm to Claire.

He knew. He knew that Claire and the Duke’s relationship was not ordinary… And his desire to stay here and see Claire was nothing but a greedy impulse.

He had told himself that he would be satisfied just knowing she was alive.

“Then why doesn’t she live here?”

“She used to live here. But after I proposed marriage, she said she would prefer to live outside. So that her reputation wouldn’t be tarnished in the eyes of others.”

“Then whose child is it?”

“…I don’t know that. She didn’t want to talk about it, so I didn’t ask.”

Adrian stopped pressing him. It wasn’t important anymore. He stood up from his seat, his face frozen.

But he felt dizzy and swayed slightly. The Duke reached out to steady him, but Adrian did not allow him to touch his body.

A terrible emotion arose within him.

Looking at the Duke, who was giving him a look of pity, he felt a horrific urge to kill him.

Just the thought of that hand touching her and those eyes capturing Claire’s smile made his insides twist and turn.

‘This is dangerous.’ Adrian thought.

He knew what a terrible person he could become. He felt that he could no longer stay here.

Adrian knew that the Duke loved her. That kind of look couldn’t be faked. Adrian also loved Claire. But the woman chose this man.

If it were a true love, one should wish for the other person’s happiness. Countless books and famous quotes talked about love in this way, but Adrian didn’t understand all of it.

“I will be leaving the Kabyl territory soon.”

He impulsively blurted out the words to stop himself from killing the Duke.

“The day after tomorrow is a holiday, and Lady Taylor won’t be coming to the ducal estate. It might be best for both of you if you leave then.”

The Duke no longer hid that he wanted the Emperor to leave. The look in the Duke’s eyes, which was trying to drive the nail in the coffin, seemed quite desperate.

“I understand. I will send someone to handle the matter of the Bay of Carka later.”

The Duke stood and bowed respectfully. Adrian walked out into the main building’s garden.

No matter how deeply he breathed, what was blocked inside him would not return. Should he have never seen her again? He felt as if his heart was being torn to shreds.

But Adrian immediately shook his head.

He had said he would sell his soul if it meant she was alive.

‘Adrian, don’t get greedy. Not anymore…’

But just then, the woman appeared before Adrian as if by a miracle. Claire, who was standing with her hands behind her back, muttering something as she looked up at the sky, was beautiful enough to fuel every remaining ounce of greed in him.

“Claire.”

When Adrian called her name softly, he felt her back flinch.

Adrian slowly walked toward her.

If he just pulled her a little, he could hold her in his arms. Adrian extended his arms toward Claire.

Instead of pulling her into his arms, he covered her back with his coat. And he didn’t pull his hand back.

 

***

 

Adrian, who had called out to me and walked toward me, was suddenly holding me almost in his arms. My heart, unable to lie, thudded loudly.

“It’s quite cold now.”

His voice, coming from behind me, made my head spin.

“Adrian, it’s late. What are you doing here?”

“Is Leo… asleep?”

“Yeah…”

I moved a little, trying to get away from him. But Adrian held me so I couldn’t move.

“Just for a moment.”

“Hm?”

“I have something to say, Claire.”

“…”

“It’s something I should have said the moment we first met again, but I’m only saying it now.”

I waited for him in silence.

“Thank you… for being alive.”

I was so curious about Adrian’s face as he said this that I pulled away from him a little more forcefully to look at him, but his expression was hard to see in the moonlight.

“Did something happen?”

“If what I’m feeling is right, you seem very at peace right now. Don’t you?”

“Yeah…”

“When I think about it, it’s always been that way. You were only at peace when I wasn’t around.”

Adrian raised his hand and gently stroked my cheek. I could feel his fingertips trembling on my cheek. It was just like the time he bought me a hairpin in the market in Quinze-Nouais.

When Adrian finally took his hand from my face and stepped back, his wide smile filled my vision. His smile was so beautiful that I found myself smiling back.

“Good night, Claire.”

 

***

 

“Leo!”

“Mommy.”

The child rubbed his sleepy eyes and reached out to me, walking over.

“How about we go out to the market and play today?”

I hadn’t seen Adrian’s face even once since I met him in the garden. After staying at the ducal estate for a few days, we had returned home, and since it was a rare holiday, I thought of taking Leo to the market.

“Will you buy me a toy and candy?”

“Of course, I will.”

With Sally, we went on a date for the first time in a while. Since Leo still had trouble walking long distances, we hailed a carriage and headed for the market.

“The weather is so nice today, My Lady.”

“It really is. On a day like this, going to the market to eat snacks is the best thing to do.”

The child chattered non-stop the entire ride. He was at an age where he was curious about everything. I felt guilty for not being able to spend much time with him because of my busy schedule, so I held Leo in my arms the entire time.

“Wow, there are so many people today.”

“I know. The festival is coming soon.”

At first, we were all excited, but after chasing an excited four-year-old boy who was running all over the market, Sally and I were completely exhausted.

“Leo, don’t run so fast. There are a lot of people here, and it’s dangerous if you let go of my hand.”

But the child ran off again, and I saw a group of men coming toward him.

Leo waddled his small body, expertly weaving through the men’s legs. I was flustered and tried to catch him, but it was no use.

“Leo! Stop right there!”

When I shouted, the men looked down and tried to grab the child.

But the rascal was so nimble that he slipped through them. Just as I was apologizing profusely and pushing past them to get to him, I heard Leo’s voice from above my head.

“Mommy!”

Surprised, I looked up and saw Leo being held by someone. And surprisingly, the man holding Leo was Adrian.

“Leo, come here!”

I was incredibly flustered for a moment. I quickly reached out to take the child, but the rascal didn’t seem to want to come to me.

There were so many people on the street. And Adrian’s subordinates must have been with him as well.

I didn’t know what to do, so all I could think about was getting the child back in my arms.

“Come here.”

“Just leave him.”

“Hm? Pardon?”

“There are a lot of people here, and he’s resting peacefully in my arms, so I thought it would be better to just leave him.”

“Oh… but, aren’t you busy, Your Majesty?”

“No, I’m not busy at all. But if I’m making you uncomfortable…”

“Adrian, are you trying to create a new catchphrase?”

I moved closer to Adrian and whispered so only he could hear.

“A catchphrase?”

“You’re not making me uncomfortable. So you don’t have to ask me that every time.”

“Oh…”

While Adrian and I were talking for a moment, Sally was having her own happy time. Owen and Cedric were visible behind the emperor.

But for some reason, Sally was beaming at Cedric, while he didn’t even look at her, as if she wasn’t there.

But being a fan, as she was, doesn’t require a return.

Our Sally had a look of pure delight on her face, and she was only looking at Cedric.

“Where were you headed?”

I turned my eyes away from Cedric at Adrian’s sudden question.

“Oh, we don’t have a destination. We were just looking around the market.”

“Ah, what a coincidence. Me too.”

“Huh? His Majesty the Emperor of Quinze-Nouais is aimlessly walking around a Turk market?”

“Yes, I wanted to see how this place is different from Quinze-Nouais. This is perfect. You can show me around. I’ll carry the child.”

I was a bit flustered. The huge knights Adrian was leading seemed to number over ten.

Noticing my hesitation, Adrian quickly sent everyone else away, leaving only Owen and Cedric.

“But we really didn’t plan on doing anything special.”

“I know.”

Leo was constantly playing with his father’s hair. And Adrian just let the child touch his hair.

“Leo, where do you want to go first?”

“Toys.”

Leo wiggled to get down from Adrian’s arms. When Adrian put the child down, he held tightly onto Adrian’s sleeve with his small hand.

“Let’s go, Adrian.”

Sally’s eyes widened when she saw Leo naturally call him by his name.

“Where?”

“To buy toys.”

Leo had been to the market a few times and knew exactly where he wanted to go. We soon entered the toy store in the corner of the market.

The child looked around the store with a hawk-like gaze and then picked up a toy sword.

I was horrified, but Adrian smiled brightly.

“No, not yet.”

Although it was a toy sword, it was a heavy wooden sword, not a cute plastic one you could buy at a convenience store. If he swung that, there would be nothing left in the house.

“But Leo needs this.”

The child and I held onto opposite ends of the sword, glaring at each other.

“No. I said I’d buy it for you when you’re five. You’ll get hurt if you swing it around.”

The child, who usually didn’t throw tantrums, was incredibly persistent this time. If he just stood there with his lips pressed tightly together like this, we would have a long argument.

Just then, Adrian slowly approached me and gently took my hand.

“Claire, Leo wants it so much, how about we just buy it for him?”

“What? No. A sword already? Who does he take after…”

“But still, Leo must have his reasons… Let’s buy it for him.”

“He’s only four years old. What kind of reasons could he have?”

“But he wants it so much…”

Adrian looked at me with the same expression as Leo.

“You shouldn’t be so soft on a child, Adrian.”

He must have decided he couldn’t win against my firmness, so he approached Leo this time.

“Leo, your mom says she’ll buy it for you when you’re a little bigger. Can you wait just a little longer?”

“No. I really need this.”

“Then, can you tell me why you need this?”

At some point, I let go of the sword and was just watching Adrian and Leo. Leo had tears in his eyes, but he wasn’t wailing and throwing a tantrum.

“Leo has to protect Mommy and Auntie Sally. Because I’m a man. I’m the only man in our house.”

“What?”

I was so surprised by the child’s words. Leo was still thinking about what had happened a few days ago.

I put down the sword and went toward Leo. No, I tried to. But Adrian had already picked the child up as soon as he finished speaking.

“You’re right, Leo. You’re so thoughtful. Yes, since you’re a man, you have to protect your mom and auntie.”

Then the two of them gave me a triumphant look. Their eyes were asking if I still wouldn’t buy it for them.

But my thoughts weren’t there. They were so alike…

I had thought their facial features were very similar, but I had never thought of Adrian when I looked at my child.

The Adrian I remembered was cold and sharp, but our Leo was warm and gentle. But the two pairs of eyes looking at me now were sparkling with the exact same light, as if they had been stamped out of the same mold.

Feeling empty, I picked up the sword and went to the counter.

And while I was paying, the two men who had won were looking at each other and smiling happily.

‘So a child really can’t hide their origins…’

The blue, flickering eyes, the subtly different red color of their lips, the angle of their jawline, and the overall feel of their faces. I quickly came to my senses and decided that I had to separate the two of them as soon as possible.

“Leo, now that we’ve bought the toy, let’s send the mister on his way.”

“He’s not a mister, he’s Adrian. Adrian is the Emperor.”

“Okay, I get it. So now, come back to Mommy.”

“No, I don’t want to. Emperor Adrian, Leo is hungry.”

“You’re hungry? What do you want to eat?”

I stared at him as he spoke with a very gentle voice.

“Leo wants pudding.”

“Pudding?”

There was a specific dessert shop we always went to when we came to the market. It was a restaurant that sold everything from puddings for kids to simple foods for adults. Looking at them, I felt like I was the villain, and a word of resignation came out of my mouth.

“Okay, but we’ll only eat that and then we’re really going home. Got it?”

A similar smile appeared on both men’s faces at my words. And so, we all headed to the restaurant together.

“Sally, you come in too.”

“No, a maid can’t eat with nobles. I’ll wait outside. It’s more comfortable.”

“No, Sally. You’re not here as my maid right now. We came out to the market together, so it’s only natural that we eat together.”

Then Owen chimed in.

“Yes, Sally. Let’s eat together. We can talk about Quinze-Nouais, it’s been a while.”

At Owen’s words, Sally glanced at Cedric. But he had already gone inside.

The three men were all in comfortable clothes, but the people in the restaurant still glanced at them. It seemed their extraordinary presence couldn’t be completely hidden by clothes.

Soon, the food we ordered came out, and Leo naturally went and sat on Adrian’s lap.

It wasn’t the first time I had seen this, but Sally’s eyes widened as much as they could.

“My goodness…”

“Sally.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

I was a little anxious that these three people might sense something from Sally’s reaction. But fortunately, her quiet gasp was buried in the delicious food. Adrian soon brought a potato soufflé to Leo.

But I had never seen the child eat potatoes before. Potatoes were just as hard to get him to eat as carrots.

When the child shook his head, Adrian whispered something into Leo’s ear again. And as if by magic, he took the spoon himself and began to eat the soufflé.

“My goodness…”

My pride was a little hurt by Sally’s justified gasp. I’m his mother, yet he did something I could never do on the first try.

But for the sake of Leo’s eating habits, I couldn’t help but ask Adrian.

“Adrian, what in the world did you say to make Leo eat potatoes?”

“Oh… I didn’t say much.”

“Then what was that ‘not much’?”

“I just said, if he eats this, he can grow up to be tall like me…”

“What? Then how did you get him to sit still in the restaurant last time?”

“That was, if he sat still, I’d teach him how to use a sword… I said that. Oh, I hope I didn’t make you…”

“No, you didn’t make me uncomfortable. It’s just amazing. I’ve never been successful in getting him to eat them while raising him.”

Then Owen, who had been watching us carefully, tried to change the subject.

“Sally, why aren’t you eating?”

“Of course I can’t eat well.”

Her voice was unusually quiet.

“Well, I guess you’d be a little uncomfortable in front of the Emperor, Sally.”

“No, it’s not that. It’s because Sir Cedric is here.”

“Pfft.”

Cedric finally spit out what he had been holding in his mouth.

But what was also strange was that Cedric, our Sir Cedric Duncan, who would only be satisfied when he was laughing heartily and telling funny stories, had been unusually quiet all day.

After that, the meal went smoothly.

Sitting here like this, it really felt like I was in Quinze-Nouais. Owen told us interesting stories about the wars that had happened in Quinze-Nouais. The day passed so quickly.

The child began to rub his face against Adrian’s neck.

“Leo must be sleepy. I think we should go home now.”

I got up from my seat.

“Leo, come here.”

The child was sleepy and reached out his arms to me willingly.

“I had fun today, Claire. I mean it.”

“Me too.”

Adrian’s hands, as he handed the child to me, were very careful and strong.

The carriage on the way back was much quieter than it had been on the way there. The child was asleep in my arms, and Sally was looking out the window with a flushed face.

I kept thinking about Adrian, who had held the child in his arms the whole time. Do family ties really pull people toward each other?

Of course, he was a child who smiled at people, but he was also very wary of strangers. This was the first time I had seen Leo like someone so much.

“I’m sorry, Leo. I’m sorry, Adrian.”

 

***

 

Adrian watched the carriage carrying Claire disappear and then turned into the alley. Soon, the knights of Quinze-Nouais who had been scattered here and there came and stood behind him.

Adrian had received a report from his knights that Claire was heading to the market today. Ever since the dangerous incident, he had ordered his knights to guard her empty house.

He had been watching the child scamper away and Claire follow with a warm smile, and impulsively approached them.

Her face was so soft and beautiful it was impossible to imagine that this was the woman who had once lashed him until his back was flayed.

“Will you be returning to the ducal estate now?” Owen asked in a somber voice.

“Yes. I will pack my things at the ducal estate and leave for Quinze-Nouais from there.”

Adrian decided he would stick to his resolve to see Claire just one last time.

For Claire, who would soon be the Duke’s wife and live a happy life, Adrian, the intruder, would simply step aside.

Because the woman he had met again looked so at peace.

Because the moment he set foot in her world, her happiness could disappear.

Today was an unexpectedly great gift. He had never even dared to dream of spending a normal day with Claire and the child.

Adrian felt he could live the rest of his life on this memory alone.

When he returned to the ducal estate, the Duke had already finished preparing for Adrian and his knights to depart.

“Everything is ready, Your Majesty.”

“Good.”

It was enough that she was alive.

It was enough that she looked happy.

Adrian left without any lingering regrets.