Chapter 12

The butler, who had been informed of my arrival, appeared quickly. The elderly butler bowed politely to me.

 

“Young Lady Lepina Clies, is that right?”

 

“Ah… Yes, yes…”

 

“Please come this way. The Young Master is waiting for you.”

 

“P-Pardon the intrusion…”

 

The butler ushered me into the mansion, and the smoothly closing door made a soft thud. I followed the butler, stiff with tension. Seeing the servants passing by occasionally, my shoulders seemed to shrink.

 

I had deliberately avoided eye contact, imagining their fierce glares… But what was with that look? It felt strangely warm. Frankly, the butler was also odd.

 

‘Does he not dislike me? He isn’t angry either…’

 

I fell into deep thought. The butler guided me down the hallway with a consistently kind expression. I cocked my head at the attitude, which was completely different from what I had imagined.

 

‘Am I greatly mistaken if I think they seem to be welcoming me rather than finding fault with me?’

 

I wondered if they were cursing me internally, but there was absolutely no sign of it. His stern-looking eyes were curved into a pleasant smile.

 

He even introduced the rooms along the way without me asking: This is the dining room, the library, His Grace’s office, and the Duchess’s bedroom, he explained.

 

This strange demeanor was not confined to the butler alone. The servants were the same.

 

‘I’m glad the looks aren’t malicious… But did I worry too much? Still, I thought there would be at least one or two servants looking at me scornfully…’

 

No one looked at me with disdain; some even greeted me warmly. This was a situation not in my scenario. I thought I would be scolded for having the audacity to visit as the Young Lady who offered Evan the poisoned tea. Did I read too many novels?

 

I began to wonder if Evan’s condition wasn’t as severe as I thought. I cautiously asked the butler about Evan.

 

“Um… Young Master Evan is alright, isn’t he?”

 

The butler looked concerned upon hearing my words, but his face wasn’t dark with despair.

 

“…It would be faster for you to see him yourself.”

 

However, the answer sounded like a firm warning to brace myself, and I involuntarily swallowed hard. Soon, we stood before a large door, and the butler knocked softly.

 

“Young Master, Young Lady Clies has arrived.”

 

— Come in.

 

Evan’s voice, the voice I so desperately wanted to hear, came from beyond the door. Tears welled up in my eyes without realizing it.

 

‘How long has it been since I heard his voice…’

 

Piote used to tell me that a day felt like a year. I felt exactly that way now. Fortunately, Evan’s voice sounded healthy. I cautiously opened the door, feeling extremely nervous.

 

The wind blew gently, fluttering the white curtains, and his silver hair caught the sunlight, sparkling brightly.

 

Evan was waiting for me, propped up in bed, wearing a beautiful smile.

 

It was as if he was clothed in nobility and holiness; I momentarily saw wings behind Evan. He was smiling as if to forgive me, as if he were glad that I was standing on two feet, and a wave of emotion washed over me.

 

Evan, who had been poisoned and was now likely terminally ill because of me, looked so kind as he offered me a bright smile.

 

‘My bias is so kind…’

 

Tears welled up in my eyes from the emotion, but I violently shook my head to snap out of it. I rushed to Evan’s side. I continuously checked his condition with my eyes, looking for any sign of distress.

 

“Young Master Evan, how is your body?”

 

Evan told me to calm down as I fussed about. I stood rigidly, realizing I was making a fool of myself in front of a patient.

 

“I’m fine.”

 

He said he was fine, but he was subtly frowning. The way he was agonizing over whether he should say something made me tense.

 

‘His initial words were just courtesy… His body isn’t well, after all.’

 

He must have been going through the same thing I was during my long recovery, and while he might be slightly better now, it was highly likely he was suffering just as much as I had before.

 

I let out a deep sigh. I intended to bow and apologize, saying I was sorry. However, the reason his face was contorted was entirely different.

 

“Didn’t you agree to call me Evan? Lep?”

 

“Sorry… Pardon?”

 

Evan was clearly displeased that I hadn’t called him by his first name.

 

‘No, isn’t he too kind?’

 

I was quite flustered. What was the big deal about a form of address?

 

“You promised to call me Evan…”

 

At the sight of Evan looking up at me slightly, his shoulders slumped, my head violently nodded.

 

“Yes, that’s right!”

 

‘I can’t make my favorite character sad.’

 

I blushed at Evan’s face, which immediately lit up with a brilliant smile of relief once I nodded. Then he slowly continued.

 

“Please don’t feel heartbroken because of me. I did what I wanted to do. More than anything… I’m relieved that Lep is safe.”

 

I clamped my hand over my mouth. Just like last time, his selfless attitude touched my heart deeply.

 

‘Ah… My life is fulfilled.’

 

And the beauty of his face, which was bad for my heart, combined with his kind words, doubled the impact of the emotion.

 

‘That is detrimental, detrimental.’

 

His beauty was the kind that strained a person’s heart. Moreover, perhaps because he was lying in bed, he exuded a sense of decadent beauty.

 

My heart pounded fiercely, forgetting its place. I rubbed my chest. I silently scolded my wildly beating heart to quiet down.

 

Otherwise, I felt like I would throw myself on Evan and act out. I should mention that in my past life, I had a body pillow modeled after him next to my bed. My hands were itching.

 

Feeling a premonition that I might cause trouble, I looked back to find someone to stop me, but the butler had disappeared sometime before, and no one was there. It was just Evan and me in the room.

 

‘Am I alone with Evan here? It’s dangerous to be alone… for him, that is.’

 

“Lep, come here.”

 

Evan naturally patted the space next to him on the bed. The gesture clearly implied that I should sit there. I approached timidly, hunching my body. And I perched precariously on the edge of the bed.

 

At that moment, a warm hand reached out and took mine. I was startled, sharply pulled my hand back, and clung to the edge of the bed like a terrified rabbit. Evan, who had moved closer to me and extended his hand, was right next to me.

 

“Ah, now you finally looked at me.”

 

I didn’t know what to do at the crescent-shaped smile he gave me. Evan’s hand reached for mine again.

 

‘Snap out of it, Lepina! You didn’t come here to admire Evan’s face; you came to apologize to Evan!’

 

A simple apology wasn’t enough for this crime. I turned my body toward Evan and stammered my words. I couldn’t bring myself to look at Evan’s face.

 

“Evan, I…”

 

“Yes. Go on.”

 

“I am truly sorry. Even though I didn’t know, the fact that you were poisoned remains unchanged, and it is also my fault that you tried to save me and ended up in a condition where action could no longer be taken. I came here to apologize.”

 

I spoke in a resolute tone, as if I were prepared to hear any harsh words. Then, I slowly raised my head.

 

And there was a face that looked as if he was forgiving everything.

 

‘Ah, an angel. An angel is before my eyes.’

 

Evan sat up and offered a benevolent smile. And he hugged me tightly.

 

“Don’t blame yourself. I am fine.”

 

He was comforting me instead. Who was the one who needed to be told that they were okay?

 

His kind words made me spontaneously choke up. Honestly, the stress from knowing that another person’s life was in danger because of me, and that Evan had become terminally ill, was enormous. I had repeated countless times that it should have been me who became terminally ill.

 

Evan’s gentle voice softly enveloped my disturbed heart. I was the one who should be comforting him. Yet, I was the one being comforted by him.

 

“As I said before, this was the path I chose. And I heard from Piote. He said Lep is physically weak. I thought you might die if you ingested the poison.”

 

Evan’s expression as he said this looked truly tormented. He gently stroked my back and whispered softly in a sweet voice. He had stroked my back and told me I was okay even when he was suffering from the poison.

 

“Even though I look like this, I have trained in swordsmanship, so I am much stronger than Lep. Um… I don’t know if Father told you, but I also have poison resistance.”

 

The memory of the time I consumed the poison resurfaced, and I was overcome with emotion at Evan’s attitude. My eyes blurred with tears. I wanted to slap my cheek. Why am I crying? Hold it in. I must hold it in.

 

“But… you are hurting.”

 

I sneaked a look at Evan’s face. Perhaps because the room was so white, I couldn’t find any red flush in his complexion. In other words, he was pale.

 

I raised my hand and placed it against his cheek. Warmth flowed through my hand, but his cheek was rough, not soft, as if he had suffered. See?

 

“I’m fine…”

 

“Don’t say you’re fine!”

 

I shouted in anger. Of course, I knew better than anyone that I was in no position to shout. But I wished he would just say he was hurting if he was hurting. Enduring it like that doesn’t accomplish anything.

 

When the poison briefly stayed in my body, I experienced a pain that felt like my whole body was twisting. Even after the poison was gone, I suffered from the aftereffects. Pain is equal for everyone.

 

“If you are hurting, please tell me you are hurting. If it’s hard, please tell me it’s hard. Otherwise… I won’t know.”

 

There was a corpse that went cold because no one said they were hurting or struggling. No one knew of my death. I died as if I had merely fallen asleep…

 

I roughly wiped away the tears that were involuntarily streaming down.

 

“Anyway, Evan being hurt is my fault. Understood?”

 

Evan, whose momentum was subdued by my assertive, declaration-like attitude, nodded silently. I smiled proudly and held Evan’s hand in mine.