Chapter 93

Even before the dust cloud completely settled, I knew who the owner of the shadow was. It was the voice containing the tenderness I still longed for.

“…Nine?”

Clang!

The moment I realized who it was, I dropped the sword I was aiming. The sword clattered loudly on the stone floor, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Slowly, the dust cloud cleared, revealing his face.

“…”

“…”

I was shocked at his revealed face. Only a few days had passed since I left, but something terrible must have happened in that short time, as Nine’s appearance was disastrous. His cloak was half-ripped and covered in dirt, and his eyes were dark, indicating extreme lack of sleep. His usually fine hair was not only dry but also sticking up, unkempt.

‘Why, why…’

Why did he come looking for me in such a state? He always maintained a neat appearance, and even when he returned from subjugating monsters, he was only slightly disheveled, never this haggard. So I couldn’t understand him standing before me like this.

Nine, who had been standing still like a statue, only looking at me, finally spoke.

“Chacha…”

His cracked voice, barely audible, called my name with difficulty.

Unable to grasp the situation, I just stared at him blankly. I saw his arms open, as if to embrace me, but they soon fell weakly.

“Why, why did you follow me here?”

I couldn’t hold back and asked first. I hesitated for a moment whether to speak informally, but eventually reverted to honorifics.

At my question, Nine bit his lower lip hard. The chapped lip couldn’t withstand it and broke. I looked at his lips, where beads of blood were forming, and for a moment, I felt pity for him.

‘It’s serious.’

Even though I no longer needed to spare a piece of my heart for the man who didn’t love me, it wasn’t easy to stop.

Thump.

As I waited for Nine’s answer, he suddenly dropped to his knees. I almost reached out, thinking he was going to collapse, but I soon realized he was intentionally kneeling.

Nine looked up at me and said, “I was wrong. I’m sorry…”

His eyes, looking up at me, began to well up slightly with moisture, and tears formed. The arm that had dropped powerlessly reached out to me again.

I felt like I should retreat, but the hand reaching out to me was trembling so pitifully that I couldn’t move my feet. Nine cautiously approached, as if bracing for rejection, and gently took my hand. As if worshipping my hand, he grasped it with both of his and pressed his forehead to the back of my hand.

His trembling voice was heard. “I’m sorry for losing my memory and making things hard for you.”

At his words, I realized.

He had regained his memory.

‘…But.’

I couldn’t purely believe his appearance. I didn’t want to be hurt anymore. That’s why I had left that place.

I spoke to him in a deliberately cold voice. “…Did you come here just for that apology? I thought I had conveyed everything I had to say in the letter.”

I had put all the unsaid words into that letter. The stories I couldn’t bring myself to tell Nine. Things about getting entangled with Nine starting with the aphrodisiac incident, and the emotions I felt while enduring those events.

‘Why did I even write that story?’

I thought I had written it, thinking I should be completely honest since it was the end. But now that I think about it, what I wished for wasn’t just that.

‘I hoped he would know, even if it was far in the future, when his memory returned.’

I hoped he would realize the pain I had endured all this time. Perhaps I had written the letter with such a petty hope in mind.

“We agreed to return to when we were strangers.”

Tears streamed down Nine’s cheek. He bowed his head low and continued to apologize.

“I’m sorry. It was my fault that our beginning was a mess.”

“…”

“I misunderstood you, treated you poorly, and made you endure hard days alone in the main Eclipse estate. I’m sorry.”

“…”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t rescue you sooner when you were kidnapped by Duchess Oswald.”

I just listened to his apology without pulling him up or pushing him away. Nine slowly raised his head and said, “I’m sorry for losing my memory and forgetting you. And I’m sorry for troubling you again, and for giving you reason to misunderstand my relationship with Lady Laurel. It was all my fault.”

“…Misunderstanding?”

I, who had been listening to him silently, flinched at the word ‘misunderstanding.’ The reason I couldn’t push his hand away, even in this situation, was because of a glimmer of hope that it was indeed a misunderstanding. Even though I knew it was a very foolish hope, that small feeling kept my feet rooted to the spot.

But when the word ‘misunderstanding’ came from his mouth, a rush of emotions surged up.

‘Then what did I see? Why did you do that?’

The sight and the shock of that day were still vivid. Nine would never know what state of mind I had spent these few days in, trying not to recall that scene.

I held back my tears and criticized Nine. “I distinctly saw you confessing in the greenhouse. A person like you couldn’t possibly have failed to sense my presence. Yet, you brazenly…!”

Just as my voice was rising with mounting emotion, Nine stood up and embraced me. His familiar embrace, the scent I missed, instantly choked my words.

While I was silent, Nine spoke urgently. “Chacha, it might be hard for you to believe me, but please listen. The moment I regained all my memories was right then. That confession wasn’t meant for Lady Laurel.”

‘It wasn’t?’

My mind was in chaos. If his memory had returned then, did he confess to Iris, then regain his memory, and then come looking for me? But seeing Nine’s desperate expression, I knew that wasn’t the case.

I asked in a trembling voice, “Then why were you confessing to Lady Laurel at that time?”

“Because I wanted to say that to you…”

Having said that, Nine gently caressed my cheek and met my eyes. His tear-filled eyes were exactly as I remembered. I couldn’t help but know that his feelings for me were not a lie.

“I was practicing because I wanted to apologize without making a mistake. I’m sorry. Even so, I shouldn’t have done it to Lady Laurel.”

“…”

“Chacha, I love you. You are the only one for me.”

Nine confessed in a trembling voice. He continued to speak, as if determined to bare his heart completely. Telling me when he started liking me, what he was attracted to, and what kind of existence I was to him.

“I am a person who is very lacking for you. You are too good for me, but still… please don’t abandon me.”

When he closed his eyes, I saw the tears that had gathered roll down his cheeks.

“I…”

When I couldn’t continue my sentence, Nine hugged me tightly. I felt my shoulder, where he buried his face, becoming soaked. Just as his emotions were contagious, tears welled up in my own eyes.

“You… you are the only one for me too.”

Only then could I believe that what I had seen was a misunderstanding. Sorrow and injustice surged up within me, and I ultimately abandoned all decorum and burst into sobs.

“Waaaah! You’re mean! I, I had such a hard time!”

When I started crying, Nine quickly reached out to wipe my tears. However, seeing how dirty his outstretched hand was, he retracted it and searched for a handkerchief in his pocket.

“Why, why isn’t it here.”

Unable to find his handkerchief, apparently having lost it, Nine couldn’t even touch me and fumbled, trying to soothe me.

“Don’t cry, Chacha. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault…”

The sight of him was so comical that I laughed even while tears flowed. The accumulated sorrow melted away instantly.

“I’m sorry. I’m a bit dirty right now…”

“You hugged me earlier, though.”

“…”

He flinched at my petulant remark. I grabbed Nine’s hesitant hand, laced our fingers together, leaned my head against his chest, and said, “Say what you said earlier again.”

“…I love you, Chacha. You are the only one for me.”