Chapter 89

“‘Wasn’t it Your Majesty who told me not to sneak into the bed?’”

“You’re not sneaking in, you’re sleeping proudly.”

“…Thank you for the offer, but you look healthy and it’s not far, so I’ll go to my bedroom.”

Lehan, whose appearance was the same but whose insides were completely different, felt like a stranger. Because of that, she didn’t want to sleep in the same bed with him. However, Lehan didn’t seem to think so and grabbed Edelis’s wrist. His body seemed to have recovered, and it felt quite strong.

“Don’t go.”

“…”

“I’m not healthy yet. So.”

“…Then I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”

“I want you to be here even after I close my eyes.”

Edelis was not unfamiliar with the flow of the conversation. It was a familiar feeling of… continuous temptation.

“Didn’t you dislike me?”

“Did, didn’t we decide to start over?”

“I don’t remember giving you a definite answer yet.”

“…”

Lehan thought deeply and then, realizing that he really didn’t remember getting an answer from her, he looked visibly flustered.

“So, what’s the answer?”

“Your Majesty said you didn’t dislike me.”

“I don’t dislike you.”

At Lehan’s immediate reply, Edelis let out a small laugh. Seeing her face, Lehan stared blankly at her. He didn’t know how long it had been since he had seen her laugh so comfortably. The Edelis in his memories always smiled awkwardly while watching his every move. A face that was always hurt, a sad face, a tearful face. Remembering those images of her, Lehan’s chest ached for no reason.

“I was worried about what to do if Your Majesty’s memories didn’t return and you still disliked me.”

“What were you planning to do?”

“I’ll be honest. Since Your Majesty was honest earlier.”

“Go ahead.”

Edelis took a breath. She had thought about it many times, but saying it out loud required a lot of courage.

“I would try and try, and if it really didn’t work out…”

“…”

“I was going to get a divorce.”

“What?”

“Your Majesty, when you like someone, you give them your whole heart. But if that person isn’t me, there’s no way you would look favorably upon me, your wife.”

‘That’s why the empress was killed that way in the book, isn’t it?’ She had also thought it might be better to die than to watch Lehan live happily with the Saintess. She didn’t want to hear rumors like, ‘He ran away and had a royal marriage with the Saintess,’ or ‘A princess and a prince were born.’ But she wanted to wait for his memories to return, believing that one day Lehan would remember her. She thought it would be too cruel if Lehan remembered killing her after she had already died.

“There’s no one I like that much, so you don’t have to get a divorce.”

“…Ah, is that so.”

Edelis understood what Lehan was trying to say. That he didn’t like the Saintess that much, so she shouldn’t worry. Therefore, there was no need for a divorce. From his perspective as the emperor, he might have thought it was a reasonable answer, as there was no reason for a divorce, so she could just stay as she was. But at that moment, Edelis also felt like she heard, ‘I don’t like you with my whole heart, and you’re the same.’

“I understand. Please rest now, I’ll be going.”

“What did you hear of all that I’ve said? I told you to sleep here.”

“Is that an order?”

“…No.”

Edelis looked at him as if to say, ‘See?’ 

Then she shifted her gaze to Lehan’s hand, as if asking him to let go of her wrist. Edelis couldn’t understand Lehan. He had been so cold to her, so why now? 

Of course, the reason she showed him the letters and the diary was to say, ‘We had a good relationship, so don’t be so cold to me. It might cause suspicion.’ But it seemed to have had a better effect than she expected. Judging by the way he looked at Edelis, his gaze had changed. 

Lehan hesitated for a moment, then, as if a good idea had come to him, he gently pulled her wrist towards him and said, “How did you say my memory became confused?”

“There were no signs until the night before, and then when you woke up in the morning, it was like that.”

“While sleeping with you?”

“Yes. Does this confuse you too?”

“No. My memory became confused while I was sleeping with you, so if I repeat the same action, won’t it go back to the way it was?”

“…It might.”

It didn’t seem like it would get any worse than this. He woke up with the same memories as the emperor in the book, so wouldn’t those memories disappear if he slept again? When she consulted with Frache, Lehan was so cold to Edelis that she hadn’t even thought of such a method.

“Then I’ll go get ready. If you’re tired, please go to sleep first.”

“What was it like when we slept together before?”

Lehan’s eyes seemed to grow deeper for no reason.

“Most of the time, you would wait for me. Or I would wait for you.”

“Then I’ll wait too.”

Lehan smiled a little and let go of Edelis’s wrist. Seeing him like that, Edelis felt a little more complicated. His smiling face was just like the old Lehan.

***

When Edelis returned to Lehan’s quarters after getting ready for bed, he was indeed not sleeping and was waiting for her.

“You’re late.”

“You should have gone to sleep.”

“…You must be cold after washing, hurry and lie down.”

Lehan, who was lying in the middle of the bed, moved his body towards the window, creating a space for her to lie down. It was a wide bed even without him doing so, but Edelis was awkward about it.

“Move please.”

“Huh?”

“The window side is my spot.”

“…”

“Wouldn’t it be best to make it as similar as possible to before your memory became confused?”

“That’s true… But seeing you so naturally claim your spot, it seems we really did share a bedroom. And you’re very comfortable with me.”

At first glance, it sounded like Lehan was being sarcastic, but his expression and tone were not at all. He genuinely seemed intrigued. Edelis carefully lifted the blanket and lay down on the window-side spot Lehan had vacated, covering herself with the blanket. It felt familiar yet strange, which made her nervous. When she slept with Lehan before, she was always at ease!

“What did we usually do before sleeping?”

Lehan naturally brought up a topic and turned his body towards her. He rested his chin on his hand with one arm propped up and looked at her. Edelis was used to Lehan in that position, so she lifted her head and faced him.

“We talked.”

“What kind of talk?”

“Just what we did today, or reminiscing about things we did in the past.”

“Hmm, what did you do today?”

“I handled paperwork in your place, since you collapsed.”

“…We really had conversations like this?”

His disbelief made sense—normally she would never speak to him in such a sharp tone.

“No. Today I spoke with Lord Frache, about how to restore Your Majesty’s memory.”

“I see.”

“And what about Your Majesty? Ah, you read the letters and the diary, didn’t you?”

“…Let’s go to sleep now.”

Edelis covered her mouth with the blanket and giggled. She had thought that getting a letter filled with expressions of love from the old Lehan was normal, but she knew the current emperor wouldn’t be like that. And his reaction was exactly as she had expected.

“But did I really write that letter?”

“You don’t believe it?”

“No, that is. Ha, never mind.”

“Sometimes when I went out for a moment, I would find a letter on the table. And after a meeting, instead of speaking to me right away, you would deliberately hand me a letter.”

Edelis seemed to be enjoying herself as she spoke.

“And?”

“I would write a reply while you were watching me, and when we were in a meeting again, I would leave the reply on the desk in your office.”

“It sounds like you had fun.”

“Yes.”

“…Let’s stop this conversation. I think we’ve reminisced enough about old times.”

“It’s not even that long ago. Just a week ago too.”

“Enough.”

Lehan didn’t want to hear Edelis’s happy stories. It was a story about exchanging letters with him, but he couldn’t control the anger boiling up from deep within his heart. And it felt strangely like she was exchanging letters with another man, not her husband. He didn’t like that at all.

“Let’s go to sleep now.”

“Yes, good night.”

Edelis felt at ease, as if she was having a conversation with the old Lehan. Of course, the person inside was not the old Lehan, but it seemed like a lot of progress had been made compared to before. He wasn’t so cold to her, and although that incident happened at dinner, he had taken her side rather than the Saintess’s.

‘Is this the effect of the letters and the diary? What was written in the diary anyway? I should have read it.’

She thought that it was still out of the question to read someone else’s diary and took a comfortable breath.

“Edelis.”

At his voice calling her name, Edelis’s eyes shot open.

“Lehan?”

And she called his name with a slightly trembling voice. Lehan, who had the memories of the emperor, had called her ‘you’ and had never called her by her name. Edelis wrapped her arms around Lehan’s neck and hugged him. Lehan, too, buried his face in Edelis’s neck.

“Lehan…”

Lehan, who had been kissing Edelis’s neck, paused after kissing her forehead. Then, he kissed her lips as she called his name again. It didn’t feel like it had been that long since they had kissed, but it felt like it had been a very long time. Edelis, as if she had been yearning for him, responded to Lehan, who was exploring her lips. Then, gasping for air, she pulled away, and Lehan stroked her hair and said, “Edelis.”

“Yes.”

Edelis hugged Lehan. As if she didn’t want to let him go. She burrowed into his embrace and felt his body heat. It felt like they were lovers who had reunited after a very difficult time, even though he hadn’t gone far. And just as she was about to ask him if he knew how much she had suffered, and what had happened, he said, “I’m sorry to ruin the mood, but can you not call me Lehan?”

“…Le, Lehan?”

“I saw the letters, and it seems you’ve been calling me Lehan from before, but even considering that, it’s too uncomfortable.”

Edelis’s body, which had been hugging him, stiffened and creaked. But her desire to continue hugging him disappeared completely. Edelis looked up at him with a hopeful heart and tried calling him again.

“…Your Majesty?”

“Good. Call me that. Or would you like to call me Keirhan like the Saintess?”

“…”

“You are my wife, so I will allow you to call me by my name.”

Lehan spoke as if he were granting a great favor. But Edelis’s heart ached as if someone had grabbed and twisted it hard, realizing that he was not the Lehan she had been waiting for. She had thought his memories had returned because he had called her ‘Edelis,’ just like the old Lehan.

‘Right, there’s no way his memories would return this easily.’

Even though she thought there was no way, she couldn’t stop her heart from sinking and tears from welling up in her eyes. Edelis called him with a voice full of tears.

“Your Majesty.”

“Yes.”

With his answer, Edelis got her confirmation. He was not the Lehan she was looking for. He didn’t know what Edelis was thinking and seemed displeased that she called him Your Majesty even though he had allowed her to call him ‘Keirhan.’

“Don’t call me, no, me… Edelis.”

“What? I’m allowing you to call me by my name, so why can’t I call you by yours?”

“Only one person is allowed to call me by my name.”

“And if that person isn’t me, your husband, then who could it be? The letters don’t seem to mention any other man besides me. Even if there was, I would have already killed him.”

Edelis clamped her mouth shut.

“Aren’t you going to tell me? Why are you rejecting me? You like me, don’t you?”

“The person I like is not you. Don’t misunderstand.”