Chapter 87

He remembered his past as vividly as if it were yesterday. He couldn’t remember things from a long time ago, but at least everything since his accession to the throne was crystal clear. But the way people around him treated him, the diary, the letters, the work records, the noble’s almanac—everything contradicted his memory.

“No one from the noble faction knows yet.”

“Then that’s a relief.”

No matter that he was the Emperor, if he were to be said to be suffering from a mental illness, the noble faction would take it as their ‘chance’ and try to depose him. With no heir and having risen through a coup himself, the possibility was high.

“Haa, what should I do about this?”

“Her Majesty the Empress knows the events of that time best.”

Lehan’s sharp gaze pierced the chief attendant. The chief attendant quickly lowered his head, wondering what he had done wrong. Lehan didn’t even want to ask why. 

Just by looking at the diary, it seemed that he had spent the most time with her. If someone were to say that the diary was written by someone other than him, Lehan would immediately say that he had followed the Empress very diligently. That he had served her with the utmost care and that his affection for her was clearly evident. 

But he didn’t want to believe it. His memory was so clear! How could he say that the Empress was a much more capable and wonderful person than he remembered, and that there must have been some misunderstanding in his cold treatment of her? 

It was almost dinnertime, the time the Empress had promised. Thinking about that made his head pound. It was because she had asked him to tell her his thoughts after reading all those documents. What on earth was he supposed to say?

“Haa, take the letters away.”

“Should I leave the diary?”

“…Yes.”

“Ah, Her Majesty the Empress told me to tell you to look in the very first drawer if His Majesty the Emperor reads all the letters.”

“The first drawer?”

“Yes, as far as I know, the letters sent by Her Majesty the Empress are stored there…”

He had a bad feeling. He sent the chief attendant away as if he were chasing him out and opened the drawer. There were a far fewer letters than the ones he had sent.

“Why are there so few letters? Don’t tell me? Don’t tell me she didn’t even reply to the letters I sent?”

What was the Empress’s deal! He couldn’t forget the expression on the Empress’s face, as if the sky had fallen, when he had cast her out of the bedroom. He couldn’t believe himself, a man who had been so devoted to her. Lehan’s expression, which had picked up a few letters to read, crumpled and then became distorted. 

<Lehan, don’t you have work to do? We’re always together except during the council meetings, so when do you have time to write letters? Please don’t say you write them during the meetings.> 

There were a lot of things Lehan didn’t like. First, she called him ‘Lehan,’ which reminded him of the dirty memories from his fighting pit days. Second, he found out that he had written so many letters without concentrating on the council meetings. Third, the Empress had pointed this out. It was a wonder the country had even lasted until now. This was the end of the content, so he looked at the next page. 

<Yes, yes, I miss you too.> 

What? This soulless message. Even though it was just letters, her lack of sincerity came through. But why would he keep that in a drawer? The Empress’s replies were mostly similar, so he flipped through them. After a long time, he finally reached the last page. 

<I’m so glad we got married, Lehan. I’m happy every day. Thank you. This is something I can only say in a letter, right? If you mention this to me later, I’ll never write to you again. It’s embarrassing, okay?>

 Since this was the last page, he thought he must have gone to the Empress and told her this story.

“Me? Am I me?”

When he had spoken to Johannes Frache earlier, it was true that he had fought for his life in the fighting pit when he was young. And it was also true that he had risen to the position of Emperor through great effort. But he couldn’t believe that after that, he had lived so crazily for the Empress. Alright, he would just pretend he hadn’t seen anything. It never happened. He couldn’t bring himself to accept reality.

“I didn’t see anything.”

As Lehan sat blankly, denying reality for a long time, a visitor arrived at his office. It was the Saintess.

“Keirhan.”

“You’re here.”

As soon as she arrived, the Saintess’s eyes went to the documents scattered across Lehan’s desk.

“What are those?”

“I was looking over the events that have happened.”

“…Did you find anything special?”

“Yes, the memories I had were different from the records.”

“Records? What do records matter? The Keirhan of now is the real Keirhan.”

Her words were strange. The him of now was the real him? It was as if his past self wasn’t him. Even if his thoughts and actions had changed, he hadn’t suddenly appeared from nowhere.

“Now that I think about it, I was going to go find you.”

“Really? What was the reason for wanting to find me?”

“You’re the Saintess, aren’t you? You can use divine power. Is there any way to restore a person’s memory?”

“…Restore memory?”

“Yes. I have a gap in my memory. If it’s possible, I’d like to get my memory back before the noble faction finds out. Is there any way?”

“There isn’t. No such method exists.”

“Is that so.”

He couldn’t even understand his own actions. That’s why he thought finding his memory would be the best. But since divine power couldn’t solve it, he had to find another way.

“How about we have dinner together instead?”

He had planned to have dinner with the Empress. Thinking about the Empress made his head pound. What was he supposed to say? The sudden task was difficult. 

It would be easier to refuse dinner with her and accept the Saintess’s proposal. It would be great if he could just gloss over the request for his thoughts. But after realizing his memory was wrong and going over the differences one by one, he became curious about the Empress. 

In reality, she hadn’t done something as foolish as taking the palace doctors away from the plague. He was sure she had, but for some reason, he had that misconception. So it was right for him to apologize to the Empress for his misconception and try to restore their relationship.

“No, not this evening…”

“The Eastern Continent sent some rare ingredients as a thank you for the medicine.”

“Medicine?”

“Yes, the plague is still raging in the Eastern Continent.”

“Then you received it, so you should have it with the priests.”

“But, I already asked the palace chef to prepare them…”

The Saintess spoke with so much regret that he couldn’t get angry at her. Although the diary said the plague was caught quickly thanks to the Empress’s efforts, it was also true that the Saintess and the priests of the Holy Empire had helped.

“Then, I’ll have it with you, just for your sincerity.”

“Okay!”

At the Saintess’s urging, Lehan headed to the dining room with her. He felt a little bad about Edelis, but since when had he cared so much about her? He thought it would be fine since he could just have dinner with her another time. 

After all, he was the Emperor, and she was just his wife, so she was just sitting in the position of Empress. He repeated to himself that he had nothing to lose. But as soon as the dining room door opened, he was startled to see that Edelis was already there. Her expression hardened even more when she saw him and the Saintess come in together. Seeing her expression, Lehan felt an unwarranted nervousness.

“Weren’t you supposed to have a conversation with me this evening?”

“No, he was supposed to have it with me.”

“The Saintess received some rare ingredients and suggested we have it together… No, that’s not it. What business is it of yours who I have dinner with?”

What was wrong with him? Why was he so worried about what she thought?

“Keirhan, it’s fine. Please sit down.”

“Alright, I will.”

He was worried about what the Empress thought, but the Saintess, of all people, was saying it was fine, so he felt a little displeased but decided to sit down. He couldn’t keep a Saintess who had helped the Empire standing, after all.

“It is not fine with me. Why is an outsider interrupting the Emperor and Empress’s dinner? Don’t I have the right to care about that much?”

“Are you jealous?”

“Jealousy?”

Anyone could tell from Edelis’s serious tone that she wasn’t jealous; she just didn’t like being interrupted. The letters said that Edelis’s jealousy was beautiful and cute. But as the words he had spit out at her flashed through his mind, he felt that her cold reaction was unavoidable.

“…Let’s just have it together.”

“I don’t want to have a meal with the person who tried to kill me.”

“Then I guess we can’t, Your Majesty.”

“Alright, I’ll send your meal to your room.”

As Edelis bit her lip and got up from her seat, Lehan grabbed her wrist.

“Why are you doing this?”

“I’ll have my meal alone in my room, so please let me go.”

“What are you talking about? Sit down.”

Lehan didn’t let go of her wrist and sat her back down in her chair. Then he turned his gaze to the Saintess and said,

“I’m sorry, but let’s have dinner next time.”

“What? But you said you would have dinner with me!”

“I didn’t realize the Empress would be so uncomfortable with you here.”

“But, but!”

“I’ll apologize for this another time. Escort the Saintess to her quarters.”

At the Emperor’s words, the maids and servants who had been waiting nearby rushed out and drove her away as if they were chasing her out.

Their force was so strong that the Saintess could not resist and was practically dragged out the door. The people working around Edelis were all on her side, so they were not fond of the Saintess either.

“What is this?”

“What do you mean?”

“You said that my actions would only make your heart go out to the Saintess more.”

“T-that.”

At Edelis’s unexpected words, the sharp gazes of the maids who had returned after chasing away the Saintess were fixed on Lehan. Lehan refuted Edelis’s words.

“I think I misunderstood something.”

“Misunderstood? I remember every word clearly.”

“No, I think I misunderstood.”

Edelis looked at him as if telling him to keep going. It wasn’t just her; the maids were doing the same. Lehan wanted the food to come out quickly so he could subtly shut his mouth. But the maids showed no sign of bringing in the food.

“I’ve been mistaken about you. It’s very different from what I thought I knew.”

“And so?”

“…I apologize. As you know, it’s very rare for an Emperor to apologize.”

“That can’t be true. I’ve heard it a hundred times a day.”

Lehan held back a sigh. He knew that the person he saw in the diary and letters would have done even more than that.

“Let’s start over. From the time my memory began.”

“…Okay. I’ll think about it.”

It was a reluctant approval, but the maids seemed satisfied with it and finally began to bring in the food. Lehan couldn’t bear the silence and quickly put food into his mouth.

“You eat too.”

At Lehan’s invitation, Edelis nodded and began to eat. Just as Lehan was about to relax, Edelis launched an unexpected attack.

“Did you read what I sent you?”

Lehan was so flustered that he almost spit out the food in his mouth. He barely managed to swallow and nodded without a word.

“Maid. I heard the Saintess brought some rare ingredients from the Eastern Continent. Which one was made with them?”

“This one.”

“Empress. You, you should eat some too.”

Lehan offered it to her and took a bite himself. And at that moment, a strange reaction occurred in his body. Lehan immediately raised his hand, and Edelis immediately sensed the strange signal.

“Your Majesty?”

Lehan suddenly gasped for breath and collapsed onto the table.

“Lehan! Imperial doctor! Call the imperial doctor!”