Chapter 86

“Keirhan’s favor toward me began with his great contribution to defeating the plague. Keirhan’s current memory only extends to a little after he took the throne and defeated the plague. So, I knew for sure that he harbored favor for me.”

‘It would have been better if he had memories from after he fell for me.’

Messing with another person’s memories had a massive negative impact on her body. That was why she had to touch it as little as possible. The last day or two, or a week at most. But to get back the Keirhan she had lost, she had no choice but to manipulate a period of more than a year. Even though she didn’t have enough divine power to overwrite fragmented memories, it was possible to erase the memory itself.

“At least it’s fortunate that Keirhan and the Empress haven’t been together for long.”

If they had, she would have had to change all his memories from a very long time ago to the present. Otherwise, she would have had to cut out the memories from that time, which could have led to Keirhan’s mental collapse. In the end, just in case, she chose to erase the very existence of the Empress from his memory.

“Ah, I’m tired…”

Because she had used as much divine power as possible to change his memories, she had almost none left. And perhaps it was a side effect of messing with his memories, but she felt constantly tired, and just before entering the Imperial Palace, she coughed and even spit up blood.

“Are you tired?”

“Yes.”

“Should I call a doctor?”

“No, what good would a doctor be? Use your divine power.”

“If that’s the case, it would be better for the Saintess to use your own divine power than for me to do it…”

“I told you to use it.”

“…Yes.”

It was only natural that the medicine had no effect since her divine power was depleted. And it was, of course, impossible to fill her own divine power directly. But when the priests used their divine power on her, she felt her own power filling up as if she were absorbing theirs.

“Haa.”

She let out a sigh of satisfaction at the feeling of her divine power filling up, however faintly. The priest’s sweating didn’t even register in her eyes. It couldn’t be helped, could it? She was the Saintess, and he was just a low-ranking priest. But suddenly, she felt the divine power entering her stop.

“What, why are you stopping?”

“If I use any more divine power, my own will be completely depleted.”

“So?”

“If it’s depleted, my divine power won’t fill up again, and I’ll become an ordinary person…”

“So you’re saying you can’t use it?”

“No, once it fills up again, I can give divine power to the Saintess again, can’t I?”

“…That’s true.”

“Then I will pray to fill up my divine power and give it to you again.”

“Alright, I get it. You can leave now. Instead, call another priest.”

The priest bowed and left the room. She didn’t disagree with what he said, but she felt a sense of displeasure for no reason. It would take a long time to fill her divine power by receiving his insignificant power.

“No, to win Keirhan’s heart…”

In the book, the story progressed leisurely, but she had no intention of doing that in reality. She might have after getting rid of the thorn in her side, the Empress, but as long as she was still visible… In the end, she recovered by receiving the divine power of another priest until he was on the verge of complete exhaustion. For the next step.

***

“What is this?”

Lehan asked, looking at the documents that were suddenly scattered across his desk while he was working. Edelis, who had scattered them, showed no change in expression.

“Why didn’t you come to me last night?”

“I never accepted your proposal. I only heard your condition.”

“I waited.”

“Oh?”

Despite Edelis’s words that she had waited, Lehan said it indifferently and turned his eyes back to the documents he was looking at.

“I said I waited?”

“It’s good, then, that you won’t have to wait in the future.”

“…”

Edelis clenched her hands tightly and barely managed to suppress a sigh. Seeing Lehan so changed, she felt even more keenly how well he had treated her before. And when she looked at the Lehan sitting in front of her, she missed the real Lehan even more. Because this man in front of her was the Emperor wearing Lehan’s mask.

“So what are these documents? You’re not helping, you’re just getting in the way.”

“They are letters I sent during the time you don’t remember and a diary you wrote in the past.”

“I had those?”

“I kept some of them, and Sir Frache brought some that the chief attendant had sorted separately.”

“But why are you the one bringing me a diary that I supposedly wrote?”

“I brought it because I thought you wouldn’t know you wrote a diary.”

Edelis had often seen Lehan writing something when she woke up in the middle of the night. The scratching sound of the pen was pleasant to her ears, so she would watch him quietly, but when Lehan’s eyes met hers, he would hastily hide what he was writing. And when Edelis asked him why he was hiding it so quickly, Lehan said he was writing a diary. She had asked what he was writing that caused such a reaction, but Lehan’s face flushed, and he hid it in the bedside table drawer without telling her. She wasn’t so lacking in conscience as to steal a diary, so she didn’t know the contents, but she was sure that whatever he wrote, it was much brighter and more wholesome than what the current Lehan would write.

“Leave them.”

“Please read them and tell me your thoughts at dinner tonight.”

“If there’s anything meaningful in them.”

“There will be.”

“You’re that confident, are you?”

Edelis bowed to the Emperor and left the room. Lehan was about to continue his work, but his attention kept being drawn to the documents Edelis had brought. He put down the papers in his hand, vowing that he would quickly look at the documents and then get back to work. As soon as he made up his mind, he opened the documents Edelis had brought. The diary was quite thick, so he decided to read the loose papers first, which were easier to read. 

<Edelis, I said so much when we met, yet there is still so much I want to say.> 

…? 

Even though his mind told him it would be a critical message, he had a deep-seated certainty that the content he expected would not appear. He briefly debated whether to read on, but just in case, he decided to continue. 

<What could be so great about a book that you would leave me alone in the office and go to the library?> 

He decided to stop reading. The handwriting was clearly his. So he must have written it.

‘I left this kind of embarrassing content in a document?’

If Edelis had just told him, he could have denied it. But the fact that Edelis had brought this letter herself meant that she already knew about this content.

‘Why do I have to be so humiliated by something I don’t even remember?’

He debated whether to look at the next one. Nah, surely not. Thinking there couldn’t be another letter like this, he hid the one in his hand at the very bottom and took out the next one. 

<Edelis, when will you be ready?> 

Lehan once again held a futile hope. He was sure it was about preparing for a bad outcome. But the past Lehan completely shattered the current Lehan’s expectations. 

<Can you sleep with me next to you? I spend every night sleepless, but you sleep so well. Of course, that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to sleep comfortably. But still! Just once! What I’m saying might sound like I’m rushing you, but I’m not. But I would like you to reconsider a little.> 

Lehan’s hand tightened, and he crumpled the letter. He had no concubines and only had the Empress. But it seemed that the Empress was pushing him away, saying she needed to prepare herself. He couldn’t even understand why he, the Emperor, was speaking to the Empress with such respect. It seemed that reading any more letters would not be good for his mental health. If he read another letter and it was similar, he felt like it would cause serious mental damage.

‘The diary… the diary will be different. It will have what happened during that time.’

<Third Day of Water, Edelis.> 

As soon as Lehan saw Edelis’s name, he closed it. It was obvious that it would contain the same content as the letter. Lehan took a deep breath, and after exhaling as if to release all the air in his lungs, he opened another page. Fortunately, he avoided the catastrophe of the Empress’s name appearing in the very first words. 

<Second Day of Fire, the Saintess appeared. But the Saintess seemed to have a favorable impression of me. Whatever it was, she was useful enough. Politically or personally.> 

Yes, this was the same as the past he remembered. 

<Edelis seemed to be jealous of such a Saintess, but she was so cute.> 

But this was not right. Lehan sighed and closed the diary. He didn’t want to read any of the diary or the letters. He had tried to read them to find a fragment of his confused memory, but all he found out was that he had liked the Empress very much.

‘Why? Why is it so different from the memories I have?’

The Empress in his memory clearly had a favorable impression of him, but she just watched from a distance and couldn’t even voice her opinion properly. And he had never, ever paid attention to her. She was a thoughtless woman who ran away with many palace doctors when the plague broke out. He had even judged that the Saintess, who worked hard for the people of the Empire, was much better.

‘My old self must have thought that too. Right?’

Curious about the answer, Lehan’s eyes went back to the diary where his past thoughts were written. The thought of having to open that again made him sigh. He felt like burning it all, but he couldn’t if he wanted to find the fragments of his memory. What was fortunate was that he remembered the exact date he was informed about the plague because it was such a shocking event. And since the diary started with the date, it was also fortunate that he could minimize the mention of Edelis. 

<Fifth Day of Earth, a report finally came in that the plague had broken out in the capital.>

‘What is this?’

He was sure that on this day, it was reported that an entire village had been devastated by the plague.

‘The plague was found in the capital much later…’

Lehan’s hand, as if possessed, turned the page forward. 

<Fourth Day of the Moon, many plague patients are coming to the clinics in the border region. It’s a big problem because we’re running out of medicine. If Edelis hadn’t prepared for it, it would have been a much bigger disaster. My wife, after all…> 

Below, words of praise for Edelis were written. Lehan couldn’t hide his surprise at the story, which was completely different from what he knew about Edelis’s actions. To say the diary was forged, the handwriting was clearly his. Lehan, surprised by the difference from his own memory, turned the pages one by one to see the progression of the plague. It was very different from the progression of the disease he knew, and the damage was also much less. He looked up the related records to compare them and only found that the contents of the diary were true.

“Is my memory really wrong?”

The diary was now open to the day of the celebration to commemorate the end of the plague.

‘Yes, on this day. After the banquet, I talked to the Saintess on the terrace.’

He had asked the Saintess to stay here and help prevent a similar incident from happening again. So she decided to stay at the Imperial Palace, and they spent a lot of time together, becoming close enough to have personal conversations. That was all his memory, but the diary continued for a long time after that. He immediately called the chief attendant. As soon as he opened the door, he got straight to the point.

“What’s today’s date?”

“The tenth day of the Moon, the first Day of Water.”

It was several months different from what he knew. It was true that there was something wrong with his memory.

“My memory really… was wrong.”