Chapter 107

“You know what that means, right…?”

Lehan nodded weakly. She had teased him, but she never thought he would ask her to kill him like this. And it wasn’t an exaggeration to get out of a difficult situation. He was speaking with a truly mournful voice, full of sincerity.

“How am I supposed to stab you? I can’t do it.”

“I will show you.”

“…You’ll show me how to stab your heart?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

He hadn’t thought this way before attending the state meeting, he had only been flustered and sorry. She wondered if something had happened at the meeting, especially something related to her. But Lehan just quietly held out the book. It was the book she had lost when she was kidnapped by Berman.

“…The book.”

“Oh, thank you for bringing it. So what’s wrong?”

“I saw the book.”

“Oh? So what’s wrong?”

She didn’t think much of it, knowing he couldn’t read the book anyway. But Lehan cried even more bitterly at her reaction. She had only imagined him killing her, not him crying, so she was completely flustered.

“Why, why are you like this?! What’s wrong? What did the ministers say? Should I go say something to them?”

“Why would you get involved in something like that?”

His face was still wet with tears, but his voice was chilling. The sudden coldness in his voice made Edelis stutter.

“Th-then why are you like this?”

“Didn’t I say I saw the book?!”

“…You saw the book?”

Lehan still nodded, tears streaming down his face. He would have only seen blank pages if he had looked at the book, but judging by Lehan’s reaction, it seemed to be more than that. Edelis asked, just to be sure.

“Did you… read the contents of the book?”

“Yes.”

Was this another thing that changed because of the Saintess’s death? Edelis couldn’t figure out how to explain the book to Lehan. By giving it back to her, he knew it was hers. But it would be strange for him to find a story about the people around them in a book.

“L-Lehan. So, that…”

“Did you also know the contents of this book?”

“…Yes.”

At Edelis’s answer, Lehan hugged her and sobbed quietly.

‘Does he think it’s strange…?’

She was worried he would blame her for saving him from the gladiator arena just to survive.

“How long have you known about this?”

“…About eight years?”

“How, how much you must have suffered.”

Lehan seemed even sadder than Edelis had been when she saw herself dying in the book, so Edelis just patted him on the back without a word. Of course, it had been very difficult back then, and she had been very stressed, but it was all in the past now. In the end, Edelis had survived, Lehan was by her side, and the Saintess who had targeted Lehan was still being punished even after her death.

“It’s okay, it wasn’t all difficult and painful.”

At first, she wanted to give up and run away. She regretted not running away sooner. But later, she stayed on her own will. She didn’t try to break off her engagement or get a divorce from Lehan; she tried to stay by his side. That was because Lehan cherished and loved her so much. And because she had fallen in love with him. The desire to be by his side was greater than the fear of dying.

“If I could go back in time, I’d still make the same choice. I have no regrets.”

“…How can you say that?”

“You don’t like it?”

“How could I? If I could go back in time…”

Lehan looked at Edelis and fell silent for a moment.

“What would you want to do?”

“I’m sorry, but even if I knew you would suffer, I couldn’t let you go.”

Edelis liked his answer. She had no intention of letting him go either. She giggled and leaned into Lehan’s hug.

“So you would just leave it as it is? So we can be like this?”

“No. Of course not.”

“What would you do?”

“To put it mildly, I would get rid of anything that would harm us beforehand.”

Lehan was smiling, but Edelis didn’t think he would act so gently. In the past, she would have pretended not to know, but today she wanted to hear what he had to say.

“How? Tell me.”

“…Whatever it takes, I would have killed the Saintess first. Saying I didn’t know she was a Saintess before the incident got big. On second thought, it would have been better to kill her before she crossed the border at the time of her arrival.”

“Th-that way, I wouldn’t have been stressed out because of the Saintess.”

“Since I don’t know what Berman Pasis would do, it would be good to start a war with Tonan Kingdom, a nation of barbarians on the opposite side of the Holy Empire, and send him there. The war would last at least ten years.”

“Wo-wow… If you had done that, I really might have been able to focus on loving you without any worries.”

She tried to think if anyone else had interfered, but nothing came to mind. She couldn’t have done anything about the plague anyway.

“What did you just say?”

“Huh? What?”

She was surprised by the extreme methods Lehan suggested, which clearly had the intention to kill or be killed, but was there a reason for him to ask her that? She blinked, looking at Lehan, unable to grasp his intention, and he sighed with eyes that had so much to say.

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“…I want to turn back time because of that.”

“So you can really kill everyone?”

“Yes. If it means you can focus on loving me and nothing else.”

Hearing it from Lehan’s voice, she realized how embarrassing her words had been. Her face turned bright red, but she didn’t want to take back what she said.

“You don’t have to turn back time.”

After all, neither the Saintess nor Berman Pasis was with them anymore.

“From now on, we can just focus on loving each other.”

Perhaps the time they had gone through was what made their time together so much more precious.

“Lehan.”

“Edelis, wait a moment.”

Lehan urgently cut her off, but Edelis tried to continue speaking. However, the moment Edelis opened her mouth, Lehan blocked it with his hand. Because his hand was so large, it covered not only her mouth but most of her jaw, and his thumb covered her nose. She accused him with her eyes, asking what he was doing, but Lehan took a few deep breaths and looked into her eyes.

“Shouldn’t I be the one to say what comes next?”

‘What does it matter who says it first? I want to say it now!’

Her mouth was blocked, so she couldn’t speak and could only show her frustration with her eyes, but Lehan didn’t seem to have any intention of backing down. In the end, Edelis, unable to bear the frustration, nodded, and only then did he take his hand away from her mouth. And without missing a beat, Edelis immediately tried to speak.

“Lehan I-.”

But this time, too, her words were blocked by Lehan’s hand.

“Didn’t you understand?”

“…”

“I don’t want to talk to you with your mouth covered.”

Edelis shook her head, and Lehan asked if she wouldn’t speak, and when she nodded, he slowly took his hand away, as if he was ready to cover her mouth at any moment. At this point, she wanted to be the one to say it first, out of stubbornness. He was the one who had said ‘I love you’ first but had never after the memory loss. Of course, a lot had happened, and Lehan was the type to show rather than tell, but still.

“Hah, Edelis.”

Lehan took a deep breath, thinking about how to speak. And while he was thinking, Edelis blocked his mouth. The only difference was that she didn’t use her hand to block his mouth like he had, but her lips. It felt like it had been a really long time since she had kissed Lehan. As she made small pecking sounds on his lips and kissed him, a laugh involuntarily escaped her lips. When Lehan heard her laughter, he laughed along and held her in his arms.

“I love you.”

“…I was going to say it first.”

“Then you should have said it sooner.”

He looked so pouty, she kissed all over his face. The makeup on her lips left a mark on his face.

“Lehan, you weren’t saying anything, so I had to say it first.”

“…May I make an excuse?”

“By all means.”

“I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to control myself if I said it to you.”

“…That’s so corny. Seriously, it’s so corny.”

“Then is it okay if I don’t try to control my feelings for you anymore?”

A husband loving his wife was something that should be actively encouraged. She wanted to share her love with Lehan for ten, twenty years, and more. So what was the point of controlling his feelings?

“Not only is it okay not to control yourself, but don’t try to control yourself.”

“Is it okay if my love for you becomes uncontrollably big?”

“Rather, I’d like to ask you for that.”

She could hear the sound of Lehan’s heart pounding in her ears. It felt as if the quiet room was filled with only the sound of their two heartbeats.

“Edelis.”

Lehan’s large hand completely covered the back of Edelis’s head and pulled her toward him. Pulled to Lehan’s front in an instant, Edelis felt his lips on hers and immediately closed her eyes. Their breaths mingled through her slightly parted lips, and Lehan whispered her name like a sigh.

“I love you. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

When Edelis said she loved him too, Lehan’s arms tightened around her. Lehan, who had been kneeling, stood up, and soon Edelis’s back touched the soft bed.

“…Huh?”

“I love you, Edelis.”

Lehan kissed Edelis’s lips again.

‘Was that what he meant by “can’t control himself”?!’

Edelis, who was belatedly grasping the situation, was flustered, but the lips that could have said something to stop Lehan were already blocked by his. And while kissing her, Lehan unbuttoned the buttons of his clothes with the hand that was not on the bed. When she heard the rustling sound, Edelis squeezed her eyes even tighter. The problem was that since she couldn’t see, all of her senses were focused on her hearing and touch. Lehan’s warm breath, his fast-beating heart, and the feel of his clothes on her as he unbuttoned his outer garment. Naturally, Edelis’s heart started beating wildly, and she even wondered if it would suddenly stop from beating so fast.

“Edelis.”

“…Hmm?”

“Can we do this now?”

“…”

What would be a good answer in this situation? At least, Edelis couldn’t think of an appropriate answer. When Edelis didn’t respond, Lehan lightly kissed her cheek as if urging her. When she secretly opened her eyes, she immediately met Lehan’s gaze.

“…It’s still daytime.”

She had no intention of refusing Lehan. For a while, Edelis had been waiting for him too. But that didn’t mean she wanted to do it in the bright afternoon sun.

“T-that is, at night.”

Lehan quietly, leisurely smiled and untied the ribbons that were holding her dress in place one by one.

“We’ll do it at night, too.”

“…at night ‘too’?”

“And in the daytime.”