Chapter 22
“Are you going to try to have skinship?”
“No, well…”
“You’re seriously an idiot.”
Perhaps it was because I, of all people, interrupted the heir of the family and called him an idiot. Ian’s face turned red, as if he were slightly angry.
“This is why we can’t work out.”
I lay down, pulling the blanket over my head, signaling that I didn’t want to talk anymore. Thankfully, Ian seemed to understand my intention and didn’t speak to me further.
A moment later, I heard the rustling of the blanket and Ian’s quiet sigh.
‘The idea of trying to have skinship is offensive.’
He performed many highly intimate acts with Ethel in the original game… Of course, I absolutely do not wish for him to do the same with me. I’m just disappointed. He claimed to be so close to me, yet he seemed to dislike even accidental contact.
Anyway, I could infer one fact.
‘Is it a setting that he can never love anyone other than Ethel?’
This should be the right thing for my situation, where I need to divorce him, but I don’t know why I keep feeling upset.
‘It must be because I still like Ian.’
It was a truly unfortunate reality. And I made a resolution.
‘I must divorce him, whether this is a game or reality.’
A stubbornness arose for no reason.
“Think carefully.”
Just before returning to the Academy, Ian proposed to me once more.
“Why don’t we just not create anything that requires effort in the first place?”
“Isn’t it a good deal for you too? You won’t have any hassles.”
“Go. A student should focus on studying.”
The moment I turned my head away, gesturing him to leave quickly.
“W-what is it?”
“I won’t see you for a while, so I should look at your face and say goodbye.”
Ian cupped my cheeks with both hands and turned my face. Because of this, our eyes met again, and Ian’s face was closer than before.
“…And I’m really going to try.”
Ian’s face was beet red, as if it were about to explode. I was probably just as red. Embarrassed, I lowered my gaze. I could see his Adam’s apple move, which was also bright red up to his neck. At the same time, the hands that touched my cheeks fell away.
“You still have time to change your mind.”
“You’re the one who has time to change your mind.”
“I’ll come every weekend.”
“Come after the semester ends.”
“See you next weekend.”
“Then we’ll sleep in separate rooms.”
“There are no empty rooms.”
“There are many.”
Our conversation was like a spear and shield. It felt like the conversation would never end at this rate.
“Go quickly. See you during the vacation.”
I turned my back and walked forward as if fleeing. I thought Ian would only leave once I was out of sight. Returning to the room, I looked out the window. Even though it took quite a while to reach the room because the mansion was large, Ian hadn’t left and was still standing there. Only after our eyes met through the window did he turn his back and get into the carriage. Seeing that, I felt strange and turned my head away.
***
“Father, let’s have a talk.”
“…Aren’t you busy either?”
“I’m busy because of you, Father.”
I ignored his expression, which seemed to suggest my very presence was annoying, and sat down opposite him. It was the second weekend since Ian returned to the Academy. Ian completely disregarded my words and returned every weekend. And he followed me everywhere.
When I completely ignored him, he stared intently at me, trying to get my attention. Moreover, all the empty rooms were locked because he had taken precautions beforehand. Because of this, my declaration of sleeping in separate rooms fizzled out pathetically.
‘If I were truly determined to sleep separately, I could just sleep on the parlor sofa.’
Part of the blame was mine for not being that resolute. Perhaps because of this, he shamelessly returned to the mansion this weekend, so I deliberately headed to Duke Bellocchio’s office. Ian still couldn’t follow me here due to his bad relationship with his father.
Duke Bellocchio still received sermons from me and had his letters inspected daily. However, perhaps as a result of my efforts, the content of the letters gradually improved. Although they were still too ambiguous to send.
Even in the letter this morning, it started off well, but I was shocked by the closing remark that he was ready to follow her wherever she went and had to preach to him. Adria, who left because of his obsession, would surely dread every single remark like that.
‘I would have allowed it if it weren’t for the closing remark.’
Unfortunately, Duke Bellocchio hadn’t been able to send a single letter to Adria since I started reviewing them.
In the beginning, he was restless, but now he seemed to be deliberately suppressing his anxiety, following my advice that Adria might find him annoying. I kept the letters he had been inspected by me because I was worried he might send them without my permission.
“So, what is it you want to talk about?”
“Did you write a letter?”
“Not yet. I am busy, so you may leave now.”
It was expected. He was inspected by me in the morning, so he probably hadn’t written a new letter yet.
He spoke while keeping his gaze fixed on the documents, as if he was truly busy. The old me would have quietly left without saying anything more. But perhaps because I’ve been talking to him every day recently. Because he felt easy—no, because he felt comfortable, I ignored him and sat still.
“Did you fight with Erlian?”
“No.”
“Then why are you here?”
“Because Erlian is like you, Father.”
His hand, which was about to turn the page of the document, briefly paused.
“Did the boy say that… Still, I don’t think you two will have trouble like I did.”
“Pardon?”
“Adria had an incredibly large number of friends, enough to make me anxious. Everyone at the Academy was her friend. So, my actions must have been suffocating for her. But you…”
Should I be grateful that he didn’t outright say I didn’t have many friends?
As Duke Bellocchio perceived, I didn’t have many friends, and I managed fine alone in the mansion when everyone else was busy studying at the Academy. So, Duke Bellocchio must think that even if Ian obsesses over me, like he did with Adria, we will get along fine.
‘The Ian in the original story confined a person by their ankle…’
He was completely unaware that his son was an even more serious person. Furthermore, he was so uninterested in others that he seemed to have completely forgotten that Ian and I had promised to divorce when we became adults.
“Conversely, if Erlian gets along too well with others, you might end up feeling the way I did before.”
“I don’t think it would be that extreme.”
“Indeed, I’ll never understand the standards of love for other people.”
He shook his head and sighed quietly.
“But I must learn. It’s for Adria.”
“Thanks to my efforts, you’ve improved from before.”
“I wish Adria knew this fact.”
There he goes again. Adria-parrot.
I vaguely agreed while listening to his subsequent remarks. It was a lament I had heard many times, so I was used to it now. Duke Bellocchio was anxious. Anxious that Adria wouldn’t return even if he changed.
‘It’s all his karma, I guess.’
Honestly, I didn’t feel too sorry for him. I was just helping him out of courtesy because of the affection we had developed.
“So, you should go to Erlian now.”
“Suddenly?”
“You are talking such nonsense.”
He must be annoyed that I was avoiding Ian when he himself couldn’t even meet Adria, even though he wanted to. He looked at me with cold eyes, but I didn’t mind. However, I got up tactfully, sensing that he would truly get angry if I stayed here any longer.
“See you tomorrow morning. Please think hard and write a letter.”
As I stood up, his eyes shifted back to the documents. I left the office, leaving him behind, who didn’t even answer, as if my presence was bothersome.
“How long have you been here?”
And I ran into Ian right outside the office.
“Since you entered here.”
“Why?”
“I waited.”
As if his claim to try was true, Ian smiled gently, like a kind male lead, and grabbed my hand. We only held hands when we danced. He must have made a big resolution. Just as I was having that thought.
“What is it?”
“Nothing.”
Ian let go of my hand again. He tried skinship, but it must have been hard to maintain. I wondered how he managed to dance with me all those times. I didn’t understand why he hated divorce so much when he was like this. I even felt moody myself.
‘What’s the point if he hates even holding hands?’
I walked forward, only looking straight ahead, without turning my head toward Ian because I was upset.
“What did you talk about with Father?”
“Important conversation.”
I replied, still looking straight ahead.
“What was that important conversation? You’ve been talking to Father every day since some point. You haven’t even told me what it’s about.”
It was always like this. Whenever I came back from Duke Bellocchio’s office, he couldn’t contain his curiosity and cross-examined me. However, I didn’t tell him in detail. It felt like I was unnecessarily exposing Duke Bellocchio’s weak side.
But come to think of it, why not tell him? He shouldn’t follow the same path as his father.
“You know that Father can’t forget your Mother, right?”
“I know that well.”
“I’m giving him a mental correction class, disguised as letter writing practice.”
“Father?”
While I nodded, we had already arrived at the room. I sat down at the table by the window and pointed to the chair opposite me. Ian sat down and stared intently at me. …So intently that it felt like he was going to drill a hole in my face. Then, after a short while, Ian turned his head, avoiding my gaze. Seriously, what is he doing?
“Your Mother left because of Father’s obsession with the relationship. So, if he wants your Mother to return, shouldn’t Father change?”
“So that was it.”
“So, you shouldn’t be too obsessed with a relationship with just one person. People can divorce when the time comes, and so on.”
“So you spent your time there because of Father’s letter?”
It seemed like he didn’t hear my precious advice about divorce. I felt a little unsettled but nodded to Ian’s question and said. I only spoke because I wanted Ian to change too. After all, his extreme avoidance of divorce wasn’t good for Ian’s future either.
“But he is improving thanks to me. The letters he wrote initially were unanswered, but I think he’ll be able to send one soon with a little more effort.”
I added that I prevented him from sending the previous letters because the obsession with their relationship was too strongly felt. And that I had collected the letters he wrote separately, just in case he sent them secretly.
“Well. He must have been anxious since Mother wouldn’t read the letters.”
“You knew that too?”
“She used to burn Father’s letters right away. Anyway, you spent your time there because of that measly letter?”
“Measly letter, you say. Anyway, if Father shows that he has changed, Mother will eventually read a letter at some point.”
“Okay.”
Ian, who answered like that, returned to the Academy the next day before I even woke up. I was a little flustered by his unusual behavior, but I just let it go, thinking he must have an urgent matter.
And that evening.
“Huh? Where did the letters go?”
I finally knew why Ian had returned to the Academy early.
***
“Professor, I’d like to request a consultation.”
The first place Erlian went upon arriving at the Academy was Adria’s research lab. As he expected, she was in her lab even on the weekend.
She disliked being called ‘Mother’ by Erlian. Others thought Adria did this to avoid favoritism toward her son, but the truth was different. She disliked being called ‘Mother’ because he resembled Duke Bellocchio, whom she had been so disappointed with. He knew this fact as well. Adria had told him so, looking him straight in the eye, when they first met at the Academy.
‘Your eyes still resemble your father’s. To a terrifying degree.’
Her eyes held contempt. Therefore, Erlian always called his mother ‘Professor.’ Moreover, he rarely sought her out first unless it was for something important. Their relationship felt utterly devoid of familial affection.
No, rather, it was uncomfortable. It was agony to have to face his mother on weekends, the time he could spend with Elicia. But he had no choice. He no longer wanted to see Elicia trying to avoid spending time with him under the pretext of talking to his father.
Of course, he didn’t understand his own behavior either. Being with Elicia was comfortable and enjoyable. However, at some point, being with her started to feel a little uncomfortable.
“Can you kiss me after you become an adult?”
Since then, Erlian had felt uncomfortable. In fact, in response to her question, Erlian imagined Elicia as an adult. His heart started beating abnormally fast.
‘Is this okay?’
Usually, when he touched Elicia, he felt good but also a somewhat tingling sensation. It was fine since he didn’t feel any repulsion. But suddenly, he had a thought that he might die if they did anything more intimate. So, he needed a big decision and effort.
However, when he said he would try, Elicia was visibly disappointed. Before he could wonder about her reaction, Erlian felt something strange about the change happening to him. Now, even just holding Elicia’s hand made him feel heated. He definitely didn’t dislike Elicia.
‘Divorce is out of the question.’
So, he committed an impulsive act. He should be accumulating more time with her to build affection, and it was a waste to lose time with Elicia just because of a mere letter. Until now, he had neglected the situation, liking that his father was anxious because of his indifferent mother. He thought he would never need to intervene between the two of them.
However, his mind changed. He didn’t like losing time with Elicia just because of his parents. So, Erlian gathered the letters while Elicia was asleep and returned to the Academy.
“What is it?”
Adria asked, taking off her glasses. Her eyes looked full of fatigue.
“Professor, have you received a letter from Father recently?”
“Now that you mention it, no. It’s nice not to have to bother throwing away letters. I’m too busy to worry about Aiven’s letters.”
Observing her speak at length, unlike usual, Erlian realized she was quite regretful. The old Erlian would have tried to obstruct things somehow. But this time was different. Since Elicia was involved, he had to resolve it quickly. Erlian held out a box and said.
“These are the letters Father has written. He couldn’t bring himself to send them, so he collected them.”
“You know I won’t read them anyway.”
Adria said indifferently, her gaze fixed on the box.
“Disposing of them is up to you, Professor. But if you read them, you’ll know. That Father is trying to change.”
That was enough. Erlian got up from his seat without any lingering attachment and left the research lab, leaving Adria behind, who seemed to be deep in thought.
***
“I should look for an etiquette teacher to teach you.”
“They say this is good for your health.”
Duke Bellocchio looked at me shaking my leg with contempt.
I was anxious. Why did Ian take Duke Bellocchio’s letters? At first, I thought the maids had mistakenly thrown them away. However, the maids insisted they hadn’t touched the box and felt wronged, and the timing of Ian returning to the Academy early in the morning made me feel uneasy. Did he flee in the early morning to steal the letters?
I was flustered. I had been preventing Duke Bellocchio from sending his letters because the content had too many problems. Ian knew that fact well.
‘But why…’
There was a likely possibility. Hadn’t Ian intercepted and returned the letters and gifts Duke Bellocchio sent to Adria before? Perhaps he couldn’t bear the thought of his father getting closer to his mother, so he delivered the letters filled with intense obsession to her.
‘I shouldn’t have told him I was collecting the letters.’
I regretted it belatedly. I was trying so hard, and if the two of them became even more estranged, wouldn’t I, who was trying to mediate, look ridiculous?
No. Even if Ian delivered that pile of letters to Adria, she might have just thrown them all away without reading them. As usual.
I sighed after reading today’s letter and put the letter down. In this situation, Duke Bellocchio wrote a good letter for the first time. It contained feelings of missing her without the typical obsession and control unique to Duke Bellocchio. Seeing that, I felt even more guilty.
“Father, what would you do if your Mother met her friends?”
“I would follow. Or suggest changing it to a couple’s gathering.”
“What if they said it was just for the ladies?”
“It’s a pity, but I can’t help it.”
“Wouldn’t that be stifling?”
“Still, it’s better than not seeing her for a lifetime.”
He was trying so hard to change like this, and his son was messing things up. Tears nearly welled up in my eyes out of pity.
“You can send the letter this time.”
The corner of his mouth subtly lifted. Others might not notice, but he was visibly delighted. He couldn’t hide his excitement at the fact that he was allowed to send the letter, even though there was no guarantee Adria would read it.
Ian would return tomorrow. I vowed to grab him by the collar, at the very least.
And the next day.
“You’re here.”
I ran to Ian, who returned as soon as the weekend morning arrived, and extended both arms toward his neck. Ian quickly took two steps back, as if he knew I was going to grab his collar.
“Tsk, you’re quick-witted.”
“Ah… so that was it.”
Surprisingly, not only did he take two steps closer again, but he also bowed his upper body toward me. He had his eyes tightly closed, looking extremely tense. It wasn’t fun when he came to me willingly, giving up everything. So, I grabbed his collar just enough to slightly wrinkle his clothes.
“Is that it?”
What? He looked disappointed. Has his taste changed a bit?
“Are you disappointed? Should I really grab your collar hard?”
“Ah… I was hoping you would try—never mind.”
He immediately straightened his upper body when I let go of his collar and turned his head away from me again.
“Let’s go to the room.”
“What about breakfast? You came at the time for breakfast.”
“It’s an important conversation.”
“We can talk while eating.”
“It would be awkward if someone heard. We need to talk alone.”
“Alone…”
Ian must not have fully woken up because he left so early, as he only mumbled and didn’t move. I was frustrated and led him by his wrist, and he obediently followed.
“What are we going to talk about?”
“About your sin.”
“Sin?”
“You’ve already forgotten your sin.”
I walked faster toward the room.
Click.
Worried that a maid or butler might enter, I locked the door as soon as we entered the room.
“Hey.”
Ian took a step back each time I approached him. Seeing that, I was certain. The bastard knows his sin. As I cornered him, Ian’s back hit the wall.
“Uh, uh?”
I stretched out my arms to his sides, just in case he tried to escape. I unintentionally ended up doing the kabedon pose, but I didn’t mind.
“You took the letters, didn’t you?”
“Huh?”
“That’s why you fled early in the morning last week, right?”
“Ah…”
“What did you do with those letters? Did you give them to your Mother?”
“Well…”
“Why did you do such a thing?”
“Listen.”
Ian, who couldn’t answer properly, flustered by my barrage of questions, pushed my shoulder. As if to put distance between us.
“What is it?”
“I’m sorry.”
He covered his mouth with his hand and turned his back, as if he knew he was wrong. That stings a bit.
“…Never mind. Let’s eat.”
I left the room before Ian and headed straight to the dining room. I sat down and started eating first. Normally, I would be happy the moment I took a bite, but this time, I couldn’t taste anything.
I recalled Ian’s behavior just a moment ago. He wasn’t avoiding me because he knew his mistake but didn’t want to admit it. He just seemed uncomfortable being close to me.
‘Why, exactly?’
Ian clearly seemed to be trying because he disliked the idea of divorcing me. But seeing him so uncomfortable even touching me, he must genuinely despise anything more intimate than friendship.
‘Ian was originally supposed to end up with Ethel. It’s only natural, but…’
My damn unrequited love hurt me. And Ian didn’t come down to the dining room until I finished my meal.
I tried to avoid running into Ian all day. Ian seemed to understand my feelings, and this time, he didn’t follow me everywhere but spent time in the swordsmanship training ground. He didn’t even look for me, even though I slept in a different room. We slept in separate rooms for the first time.
‘He caused such a fuss about not sleeping in separate rooms.’
I punched the pillow unnecessarily. The bed and pillow somehow felt uncomfortable.
「I’ll be back safely. Sleep in the room.」
And the next day, Ian left for the Academy, leaving only a note.
***
“Hello, Sia.”
Angelo came to visit after a long time. Unfortunately, the gathering today was just the two of us. Ian said he would stay at the Academy this weekend because I made him uncomfortable, and Ethel said she was going to donate bread to the Holy Knights who were working hard for the temple. …That was a very transparent act.
Angelo and I strolled in the garden and had a small conversation.
‘Usually by now…’
There should be someone who has abandoned his sword practice and rushed over to squeeze in between us. Of course, even if he were at the mansion and not the Academy now, he wouldn’t intentionally join us.
“Sia, is something bothering you?”
Perhaps my expression wasn’t good because I was thinking about Ian. Angelo asked cautiously. Instead of answering, I went to a nearby bench and sat down. Angelo quietly sat beside me.
“You know, right? Ian and I agreed to divorce when we become adults.”
“Yes, I know.”
“But Ian used to hate the idea of divorce. Now, I think Ian might be the one who wants the divorce first.”
Was it just my imagination? Angelo’s voice suddenly sounded brighter.
“He even hates touching me. He said he would try to have skinship, but…”
I felt hurt. I felt hurt that he avoided my face as if he hated me approaching him, and I felt hurt that he didn’t return to the mansion this time.
“Isn’t that a good thing? Erlian has realized that you are just a friend.”
“…Is that really it?”
“Yes. What’s the point of continuing a marriage with someone you don’t love?”
Angelo was right. I felt pathetic for still harboring useless feelings. I clenched my fist for no reason.
“Sia, you don’t happen to like Erlian, do you?”
A pale hand wrapped around my fist. It was as if he could see right through my heart. My pride was hurt even more by being caught, so I shook my head.
“That’s a relief. Let me know if you need any help.”
“Thank you.”
“I can help with anything.”
The fact that his voice sounded very cheerful must be my imagination.
Three days later.
[There is not much time left until the day you abandon Ian.]
The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was the notification window. But the content was a little strange.
‘Why did it phrase it as abandoning Ian?’
No matter that I’m not the female lead, isn’t it strange for a romance game to tell the player to abandon the male lead?
‘Perhaps Lala doesn’t like Ian.’
That thought suddenly occurred to me. What if Lala wasn’t just a system but a hidden character existing within this game?
‘It sounds ridiculous, but it has plausibility for now.’
Ian’s Temperament didn’t drop even after he blew up the dormitory before. Perhaps Lala is also a person in this world and didn’t know that Ian was the culprit, so she couldn’t lower his Temperament.
Afterward, I began to investigate who Lala could be. Lala must be someone who harbors ill will toward Ian. So, at first, I suspected Ian’s cousin, Liam, but I quickly realized it wasn’t him. The reason was that Liam was completely uninterested in Ian now, unlike before, when he was hostile whenever their eyes met.
Not only that. He tried to pass on the count title to Celine and leave the capital, but due to Celine’s opposition, he was forced to continue the title.
‘The shock of being rejected by my sister seems to be bigger than expected.’
He didn’t even seem to have time to worry about Ian.
So, I sent letters to Angelo and Ethel. I was curious if there were any students at the Academy who were hostile toward Ian. They both replied the same way: Ian has no friends. They added that there were people who were uncomfortable with Ian and feared him, but no students were actively hostile toward him.
‘Lala seems to be close to Ian…’
I couldn’t find anyone suspicious. Furthermore, perhaps because I had doubted Lala’s existence. I kept dreaming about myself lying in a hospital like a vegetable. As if it were saying this is a game, and it would only save me if I achieved a happy ending.
‘This makes it seem like it’s really not a game.’
I started to distrust Lala even more. Meanwhile, Ian started returning to the mansion every weekend and following me around again. Of course, he maintained an appropriate distance as if touching me would be disastrous, but he seemed to be trying to stay in the same space as me.
With no progress, Ian’s last semester ended.
“I’m back.”
“Okay.”
The moment I greeted Ian, who returned from the Academy, an unexpected window popped up in front of me.
[★Lala’s★ Message]
The game will end on Erlian’s birthday.
Hurry and proceed with the divorce agreement with Erlian.
Lala was kind enough to inform me of the game termination timing. I only had about two months left. It meant I needed to complete the divorce with Ian within two months, as I had already satisfied the personality requirement. The good news was that I could achieve a happy ending just by agreeing to the divorce, without having to actually sign the documents.
“You don’t even look happy to see me anymore.”
Ian felt hurt because I was paying too much attention to Lala. He waved his hand in front of my eyes, trying to get my attention, as if he wanted me to focus on him.
“Because you come every week.”
“Still, aren’t you happy to see me?”
Ian’s hand moved toward the top of my head. Was he going to use me as a hand rest after a long time? I waited, but he only paused and didn’t place his hand on my head. We smiled awkwardly and headed to the dining room.
The food was noticeably prepared with extra care, as if to celebrate Ian’s graduation. A two-tiered cake was placed in the center of the table, and a wider variety of meat, seafood, and vegetables than usual were arranged around it. How were the two of us supposed to eat all this without Duke Bellocchio?
‘Now he has nothing to ask, is that it?’
I thought, glaring at the empty seat. In the past, Duke Bellocchio would force Ian to eat meals with him when he returned. Of course, it was only because he was curious about the news of his wife at the Academy, not because he cared about his son. Now, Duke Bellocchio didn’t even appear at the dining room because he no longer needed to ask Ian about her.
‘Shouldn’t he be thanking Ian and me?’
Two weeks after Ian delivered Duke Bellocchio’s letters to his mother, Duke Bellocchio received a reply from Adria for the first time. He was overjoyed and relayed the news to me. He said Adria replied after seeing his gradually changing behavior. It was the first time I had seen Duke Bellocchio look so cheerful. He seemed so ecstatic that I strongly dissuaded him from offering to hand over the territory to me.
Afterward, he occasionally exchanged letters with Adria. He no longer listened to my lectures, and when I asked about the content of the letters, he was annoyed and told me not to interfere.
Duke Bellocchio treated us like invisible people, busy with family-related matters and exchanging letters with Adria. Unlike me, who felt betrayed by his behavior, Ian seemed rather relieved.
“Now we can spend time together more often.”
Ian finished his meal and took a sip of water, saying so. It was a given. He wouldn’t be returning to the Academy anymore.
“Actually, I was busy with classes during vacation. I had to maintain the top rank. Should we go on a trip to a villa to celebrate my graduation?”
Ian, who always avoided having fun, claiming he was busy with classes, surprisingly suggested a trip to me first this time. I couldn’t answer him right away.
‘I shouldn’t get too close to him.’
Our ending was predetermined. Ian stared intently at me, urging me to answer. I couldn’t stay like this forever. It was the moment I was about to firmly refuse.
“The Duke is looking for you.”
It was a relief. The butler interrupted the strange atmosphere between us.
‘He’s been indifferent for a while, so why is he suddenly looking for me?’
I stood up to go to his office and was surprised. The butler’s gaze was surprisingly directed at Ian. I naturally thought Duke Bellocchio was looking for me…
“Me?”
Ian asked back in disbelief, and the butler affirmed it.
“See you in the room.”
He stood up first.
