Chapter 96

That night.  

Rodella entered the bedroom with the firm stride of a knight heading to war.  

—Thunk!  

She deliberately shut the door a little harder than usual.  

Not all the way hard—just a bit.  

But you always wake at even the slightest sound.  

He might really be asleep, so Rodella stepped into the room cautiously.  

She stood before the bed where Aivert lay.  

Motionless, as if sound asleep. Rodella sat down beside him with a soft thud.  

For the past few nights, she had simply stared at him until she eventually fell asleep.  

Secretly hoping he’d speak to her, that their eyes would meet.  

But instead, he would vanish in the morning before she even opened her eyes.  

Tonight would be no different if she simply lay down next to him again.  

“……”  

Rodella took a deep breath.  

Then she asked—unlike the previous night—  

“Are you asleep?”  

You’re the type to wake at the sound of clothes rustling.  

“……”  

But Aivert didn’t answer.  

Rodella leaned in closer.  

“Really asleep?”  

Even standing right behind his back and asking—still no reply.  

She watched him breathe quietly, then brought her face right up to his.  

His long lashes lay neatly over his eyes, his lips calm and expressionless.  

He always used to sleep lying on his back, but at some point, he started sleeping on his side.  

When was that again?  

Rodella narrowed her eyes.  

Maybe… the night she returned from the hospital.  

It started then.  

“……”  

Still no answer from the sleeping Aivert.  

Rodella asked,  

“Are you mad at me?”  

He remained silent.  

Her lips pressed into a hard line.  

Seeing him so still made emotion rise in her chest.  

‘If something’s wrong, can’t you just say it? Why not?‘

“Did I do something wrong?”  

Rodella had thought he was angry.  

This jerk, avoiding her for no reason!  

That’s what she told herself as she walked in boldly, but once she started talking—  

The emotion surged up instead.  

“Phew.”  

Afraid her voice might tremble with tears, Rodella took a deep breath.  

She moved slightly away from him so her voice wouldn’t give her away.  

Then, trying to sound composed, she said: “You’ve been clearly avoiding me. Why?”  

But even that attempt at a bold question…  

Aivert just continued sleeping peacefully.  

Not a stir.  

“…Are you really asleep?”  

He seemed like he’d wake any second. Like he’d look at her any moment.  

But he remained still.  

Even as she stared at him for a long while.  

“Sleep well, I guess…”  

Rodella bit her lip.  

‘Right, if you opened your eyes now, you’d just see me like this.’  

She pressed her hand to her eyes, as if to hold back tears.  

‘It’s nothing. I’m not crying.’  

She turned her back to him and lay down.  

A chilly distance remained between them on the bed.  

Feeling oddly cold, she pulled the blanket tightly into her arms.  

“If I made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry.”  

‘I knew it. The moment I realized how I felt about you, this was what I feared most.’  

‘That if I stopped seeing you as a friend, and something went wrong between us—’  

‘We might not even stay friends anymore.’  

‘I’ve spent more of my life with you than without.’  

‘And I was scared you’d vanish from it completely.’  

‘So I tried not to let it show.’  

‘But maybe I did? Is that what’s made you uncomfortable?’

Then…  

“I won’t do it again.”  

Rodella clutched the blanket tighter.  

“Whatever it is, I’ll act like I usually do.”  

‘I won’t act like I care more.’  

‘I won’t show how it kills me when you’re around other women.’  

‘I had a weird dream where some random woman brought you a wedding invitation, and it ruined my whole day.’  

‘But I won’t act like that again. I won’t show it. I’ll try harder. I won’t even look at you.’  

So…  

“From tomorrow, please treat me like you used to. I… I just want to be okay with you again.”  

It sounded foolish, but she didn’t care.  

He’s asleep anyway. He won’t hear any of it.  

“As your best friend. And if that’s not possible…”  

She sucked in a breath.  

“Then just… as a friend, at least.”  

Rodella curled up and closed her eyes.  

Then slowly pulled the blanket over her face.  

She didn’t want Aivert to see her puffy eyes if he woke.  

***

Her breath, thick with tears, began to even out as she slowly fell asleep.  

She clutched the blanket tightly, buried her face in the pillow, wiped her eyes.  

“You jerk.”  

She murmured it.  

And as the pillow slipped from her hand, completely asleep—  

“……”  

Aivert opened his eyes.  

‘If I made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.’

The sound of her tearful voice echoed in his mind, leaving him breathless.  

It wasn’t that he’d been pretending to sleep—he’d wanted to open his eyes.  

He wanted to ask, like back in the academy, “Who the hell made you cry?”  

But he didn’t need to ask.  

He already knew.  

He was the one who had made her cry.  

“……”  

He wanted to turn around. Hold her. Tell her it wasn’t her fault.  

But…  

He didn’t.  

Because if he did, he’d cross a line.  

Aivert bit his lip until it bled.  

He had always known—he wasn’t part of the future she dreamed of.  

But he’d let himself lean on her anyway.  

He’d gotten too close. So close he felt like he might just grab her, kiss her.  

Do something she didn’t want.  

That’s why.  

“…Haa.”  

Just once. Like Rodella had done tonight, thinking he was asleep.  

He wanted to say it too.  

That he loved her. Just once.  

But once he said it, he could never take it back.  

So he held his breath.  

His racing heart and her tearful voice clashed in his head, beating out of sync in the most painful night of his life.

***

The next day. 

Rodella sat in her office, glaring across the room.  

Thankfully, her eyes hadn’t swollen too badly, and she’d brushed off the knights’ concerns with a casual excuse.  

Piles of documents waited to be processed.  

But all she could see was the empty seat across from her.  

It had been a while since Aivert had shown up to the shared office.  

At this point, she didn’t even care what he’d reported about that cult case.  

Did he hear her crying last night? Probably not—he slept like a rock!  

“Ugh, what’s with him?”  

‘Did I really make him that uncomfortable?’  

Rodella clenched her fist.  

‘Did I even get the chance to make him uncomfortable…? Wait, maybe I did?’  

She thought about the women who used to hang around Aivert.  

She didn’t even say anything to them. Just looked.  

Was that really that obvious?  

“Yeah, I stared. So what.”  

‘But is that really enough reason to avoid me like this?‘ 

‘Is he really uncomfortable, or…‘

The Aivert she knew would’ve said something directly if he had a problem.  

But now he was just avoiding her without a word.  

“If there’s something wrong, he could at least tell me…”  

The Aivert she knew wasn’t someone who dodged people in silence.  

Was there another reason?  

No. If there were, he’d say so!  

Rodella finally shoved the unreadable documents aside and buried her face in her arms.  

That’s when it happened.  

—Knock, knock.  

“Quartermaster, a letter has arrived.”  

One of the Azure Knights outside—always diligently stationed near Rodella—called in.  

She thought about just telling him to leave it. But no… she got up.  

When she opened the door, the knight hesitated.  

“Are you unwell, ma’am?”  

“No.”  

…Was she? Her chest did feel a little empty.  

Still, she wasn’t about to tell a knight Aivert was ghosting her and risk sparking relationship rumors. She just took the letter.  

“Thanks.”  

Rodella shut the door and checked the sender.  

[From Damien von Grey Benerix] 

“…Huh?”  

Her mind blanked for a second.  

‘Duke Benerix?’