Chapter 87

‘Will you be okay? You, who seem so used to things like this.’

‘More than anything, I wonder if you’re okay inside after holding it in for so long. Beneath that expressionless face, just how much have you crushed yourself, suppressing everything?’

Maybe you’ve been enduring too much all because of me.’

Many thoughts crossed her mind.

‘If I’ve been the one tying you down all this time…’

Rodella pressed her lips into a tight line.

That was when Aivert asked: “So, are you going?”

At that question, Rodella felt her heart drop again with a thud.

It was clearly a good opportunity. A safe, beneficial offer with nothing to lose.

And yet something weighed on her heart.

Like a thorn lodged in her throat—something pricked at her.

Whenever she thought of him.

Yes, every time she thought of him, for some reason, he was what caught in her chest.

Like something tripping her every step forward, making her hesitate.

But before all that—if I’m the one suppressing and crushing you…

“It’s a good opportunity, so I think I’ll go.”

That thought finally let the words come out.

“How long?”

“About two or three years.”

Rodella, hiding her tangled thoughts, spoke as if she were relieved.

“It’ll be the first time we’re apart for that long, but unlike some people, I won’t get into any trouble. So don’t worry.”

‘Don’t suppress yourself worrying about me.’

Two or three years should be enough.

Enough for Aivert and the newly mobilized Royden to suppress the noble faction and quiet things down.

Enough for him to build a foundation where he can move freely.

Then, when I come back, Aivert will be able to smile more easily.

Not with that suppressed expression anymore.

“I’ll be back.”

With that thought, Rodella finally made her decision.

She smiled, forcing herself to ignore the turmoil inside.

***

For Aivert, it was the moment that the long wait came crashing down.

He had known it.

That the weight he placed on her was vastly different from the weight she placed on him.

In his world, she was the irreplaceable center. But in hers, he was not.

Even so, he had hoped—foolishly—that even if she was everything to him, he could be at least a part of her world.

That even a small part of her might feel incomplete without him.

He had even thought, at times—

He hoped she would feel lost when he wasn’t around.

They say love is wishing happiness for the other person. But if this twisted feeling could still be called love, then yes—Aivert loved Rodella.

But perhaps Rodella didn’t.

He knew. He had always known…

Aivert closed his eyes.

“Across the sea, there’s a federation of small kingdoms. More like a bunch of duchies banded together than actual unified countries, you know?”

Rodella was speaking with an excited face.

“I heard there’s even a place where it’s winter all year round. Can you believe that? What do the people there eat?”

She spread her hands, animated.

“Usually, people store up food during the harvest to last through winter. But what do they do if it’s always winter?”

Her eyes sparkled with curiosity.

“Do they rely entirely on trade? Isn’t that risky, depending on trade that much?”

Things she would see on her overseas tour. The things she would experience on her own, without him.

All the curious wonders she’d never encounter in the Empire.

They seemed endless to her.

“When I get there…”

Rodella went on, happily chattering.

Normally, he would’ve stored away every word she said, not wanting to miss even a sliver of her interest.

Even now, he should have. He wanted to.

But other thoughts kept intruding.

‘You, so unusually excited. In your life. I was never there from the beginning. There’s no space for me in your world, is there? Any space I had… could easily be filled with something else.’

He closed his eyes.

‘It means nothing to you, leaving me behind.’

“You’re with the knights, so you can’t really go abroad, right?”

Even then, her bright voice rang on. He tried not to let it wash over him.

To her, he was just a friend. And he still wanted to stay at least that.

Pathetically, he tried to respond like he always did.

“They say you can find all sorts of cool weapons overseas. If you need anything, just write to me.”

Rodella tilted her head slightly.

“But it’ll probably take time for letters to get through. They’ll have to go through a department like our Foreign Affairs Ministry…”

She was already planning what souvenirs to send.

“Anyway, is there anything you want?”

Rodella asked.

Aivert wanted to respond naturally.

“I…”

But different words were threatening to come out.

Even though he knew he couldn’t say them.

Even though he knew he couldn’t ask her to stay and risk danger for his sake.

Even though he knew she was right—and his only reason for wanting her to stay was selfish.

“I don’t need anything.”

He said it flatly, like tossing the words away.

Except what I do need—is you.

It was the closest he could get to saying what he really meant.

“Yeah?”

Rodella tilted her head at his response. Aivert said: “Just come back.”

“Of course I will.”

Her expression said, what a silly thing to ask.

‘Yes, you’ll return to the Empire.’

‘But that’s not what I meant…’

‘I meant, just come back to me.’

Aivert bit the inside of his cheek.

In the end, he couldn’t say it.

He wasn’t the kind of man who could make his bright, lively Rodella—now just a friend—feel troubled.

***

After that, Rodella kept chattering excitedly for a while.

“But aren’t you on duty tonight? Don’t you need to go?”

‘How could I leave, when your face is glowing like that?’

Aivert only stood up after she said that.

It felt like tiny thorns were pricking all over his body. He couldn’t tell if the stinging was from his body, his heart, or his mind.

“I’m fine. You need to rest.”

“I should… ah.”

Rodella turned to him as he rose.

“I got so caught up in talking about myself… But I really wanted to say this.”

She smiled at him.

“Thank you—for saving me.”

Don’t smile like that.

Aivert closed his eyes.

“I’ll recover soon and head off!”

Waving as she said it, he closed the door to her hospital room behind him.

—Thunk.

Unlike the bright hospital room, the corridor was dimly lit.

Aivert drew in a short breath.

‘The truth is… I want to cling to you, Rodella.’

‘What if I begged you to take me with you on your tour?’

‘What would you say?’

‘A ridiculous fantasy.’

‘The idea of abandoning the foundation I need to protect you when you return—just to stay by your side.’

‘And yet… I don’t know how to let you go alone.’

‘You’ll do fine without me. You’ll travel, excited by new things, not even feeling the emptiness.’

‘Yes, you’ll be fine.’

‘But I won’t be.’

“……”

Aivert stepped away from the hospital room.

Even knowing she wouldn’t notice, he didn’t want to cast even the slightest shadow in the light spilling out of her room.

He had a feeling what Chancellor Ameris was thinking, sending Rodella abroad.

Just exposing a portion of Royden’s military had already shifted the noble faction’s behavior.

They had believed they could overpower the imperial faction with force. But now they saw—the Emperor’s hidden hand was stronger than expected.

At this rate, open war was inevitable.

And in the middle of it would be Rodella—the de facto future Chancellor for the imperial faction.

If Royden and the imperial faction were to shield her completely, things might turn out differently. But then she’d be seen as a puppet Chancellor.

To the neutral nobles, she’d look like just another talentless politician propped up by imperial backing.

That’s not what she wanted.

So there was only one solution.

Pull her completely out of the battlefield.

“……”

Aivert bit his lip.

This is the only way you can have everything you want.

“I know. I know too…”

He whispered.

But still…